sometimes...u don't understand why certain events happen with u...n there are many times when u don't get a clue as to how to smoothen ur problems...u do somethin,which is abrupt and way too honest,or u r giving ur point of view,it goes for a toss...gets rubbed in the wrong way,which is not what ur intention was...all this and u end up feeling guilty about the way u behaved....or in most times,disgusted...
u make an effort to b somewhere...n u don't.....u try to make up with people,but the responses die....u wait for the calls n make preparations to celebrate...nothing happens....u sleep n sleep,try different things on one fine morning..."hey,maybe i can try this", "how about this"..."will i earn enough?"...."will i be able to take care of myself,cos i dn't want to bother my father,whose duty speaks volume,yet u want to do somethin?"....u have survived enough...y not this???
there's no reluctance....n i'm not hesitating...n when the opportunities come,it just goes away without sayin good bye or even have the courtesy to ask u,"hey anjalika,sorry not this time...i apologise...hope u'll do fine...here's wishin u good luck"...i get to hear tht from people, but why is the deed(job) ignoring u....dsn't She have to say anythin about it....
it's a phase where i'm not just growing up,but also maturing from the more or less matured phase tht we all have pass through,which comes right after u r teens...i'm 23...way old enough to drive,vote,drink,go to 'The' parties,i can take my stand n make my decisions....so far,all of it has been done,thoroughly n i have also managed to achieve it and execute it....but there are still so many other things tht r still untouched...u r ready to go for it,but IT dsn't wanna say hello to u....it's more like i've yet to explore more on my own n also about me...
self-exploration is still hanging,but i'm unable to save it.....
tht's when u rely on ur career, n also try to establish ur relationship...but i have none...although it dsn't bother me at all when it comes to the latter...but my talent, my creativity my ability to work, just fades away with just one call.....n then i just sleep n sleep n sleep...
there goes the slumber,indefinately....n tht's unstoppable till i don't get myself together,which is the hardest thing...
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