Monday, May 11, 2009

Curious Incident of the 'Beer Man'

I was working on my article when my boss walk passed me and left the newspaper, Times of India, on my colleague's desk who was absent today. The paper was open to its inside page (on the Times Nation section). My eyes got fixed to a headline that said, "Serial Killer 'Beer Man' gets life term." It scampered away my attention from my work, and I jumped to read the whole story.

Here’s the ‘Beer Man’ romanticizing:-

My Name - Ravindra Kantrole
My Fame - I am Your 'Beer Man', baby...Want some?
My position- Mumbai Meri Jaan
My Passion - I love killing people when they're asleep
My Breakthrough Moment - 11th January, 2007
My First Gift - I stabbed him nearly 20 times on his chest, abdomen, arms and thighs; and I felt so good.

How many so far – Seven Deadly Sins (cases)

It’s My Way – I entice my fellow-beings with beer before I take my final shot and celebrate their end.

My Motive – I leave my epithet over their dead bodies with an empty beer can.

I am – Your very own - Beer Man

Friday, May 08, 2009

"Every job's a blind date, and the sweaty fat girl is always you"

- Scott Raab

(i represent the sweaty fat girl") - except that i am not

Oh! My! I am the cause of all the problems. The mistakes, incomplete, grammatical errors and the best of all - “it’s simply not good”. “I always have to ask someone to rework on what you write.” This happens with me when I write humor, when I contribute something, when I try to joke a little amongst those who have already created nuisance at the content meeting.

How about this this? I am sick of writing humor. I am sick of writing stuff that I don’t belong to. I hate it even more when people just like to crowd around me and read what I am writing. It’s not only happening now, it happens bloody all the time. If you are so bloody sick of what I write, then I don’t know how to help because I can’t come up with a simple solution to my grave problem.

I have been waiting for something desperately. I am just holding on to a hope that I get through. I hate this city too. It never happened; neither did it occur to me that I would despise the city that I lived in for 7 years would go to such extremes. This is what happens when you get distracted. It’s like reading an attention grabbing, full of mysteries and hidden code, something that would need you to decipher and you are highly curious, in a history. But, all of a sudden, someone plays Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven. How can I not listen to it and read. But if you look at it this way, the music is no way trying to incite you. Led Zeppelin’s most famous Stairway to Heaven is a bloody good song, and I would give up 100 more of such historical extravagance to listen to this music. It is, afterall, worth it.

Coming back to where I was fuming. Damn it, if you do not like it. FINE! But don’t start with the comparison. I hate it. Anyone would hate it. i detest fitting my foot into someone’s shoes. I don’t want that “corn” growing in the “sole” of my feet. Oh! What if I did something like that? What if I am manipulated by these taunts, comparisons and chidings, and eventually, i try other’s shoe - That thought can definitely rupture my soul.

“She worked all night to rework on your shit.” “Whatever I give you, you can’t seem to do no good.” “Ah! Nah! I couldn’t find myself laughing at it.” “It’s not funny Anjalika.” “Anjalika, what the heck is wrong with you”, “Anjalika, what the fuck is wrong with you” and blah blah blah…I hear that all the time. Hey! I think I have the solution to this. Seal your problems because I have failed to find my solution.

Guess what! He’s only trying to cause rift between me and the others. He’s even trying to bog down on me as well. That’s supremely well done on your part – Mr. Big Man!

You know, it takes one biker bastard to misbehave with me to make my decision to leave this shit Capital. Also, it takes one idiot to throw his unnecessary tantrums on me to resign. However, I am just waiting for that HOPE to land so that everything that is manhandling my patience ends.

Monday, May 04, 2009

as weird as this story can be...The Battle of the Bloodiest

The Battle of the Bloodiest

This is a story of two powerful blood-sucking beings. There are here to campaign for their political parties and are yearning for a bright future in the land of blood. This bloodbath is in tribute to the heroes who have not only sacrificed themselves, but also donated (posthumous) blood to the hemophiliac and the dogs.

Here’s introducing the contenders of that powerful generation:-

Vampire,"Kutte kaminey, main tera khoon pee jayonga"

Dharam,"Aye, Maa ka khoon pee ha, toh saamne aa"

28 Days Later….The blood battle went on. The survivors protested and carried slogans like “Humare khooney puri karon.” But, there was no stopping to the battle between the Vampire and Dharam. They continued contesting for the elections.

28 Weeks Later…The Vampire won the election by 1200 ml of blood, whereas Dharam lost by .5ml. Dharam went back to chasing dogs, while the Vampire created a new strategy in their politics[poli = many + tics = blood suckers]. Their strategy proved to be healthy and fit for the junta. In a recent press interview, the leader of the ruling party was found quoting the following,

Vampire, "Why should mosquitoes have all the fun?"