Friday, December 28, 2007

the anxious loner

eyes to eyes
when mine sees another,
fear brims itself
for the sake of only I.

it was all I,
when it looks up
and the other
gives up..

and i -the vagrant
just wonder around
and sulk within.................

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

just writting!!!

whenever i travel by the metro...i just have a feeling as if i might just collapse,eventhough i have been brave enough till now...while i sit next to a stranger,i wish i could just lay my head on the matter who it is n without havin to feel awkward about it...

whenever i walk...i just get this a sudden rush within me which makes me weak..n all i want to do is fall down on my knees n scream out loud.....not really a cry...but just lettin out everythin tht i have been holding up for every reason n for a very very long time...

when i stand....n try not to look at which i stick to...i can feel being stripped naked n cut to pieces,eventhough there's no sight of blood n i can't feel the pain...but i do feel somethin...unaware of wat it's like a part of me has died..but y is it tht i can't cry....i dn't want to,but i know i need to just to cut loose of all the rough edges tht have built up inside me makin it impossible for me to reveal n let it out....

tht's all i want to write...this would probably last for days,eventhough it's just a piece of writting!!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

PEST...sunday aches!

believe me when i say tht...."PEST..sunday aches"'s surely is!!!!!

when the thought of the sunday comes,we think of a holiday...a bloody good break from the work pressure,college chaos, a short vaccation from all those gossip mongers...basically,to get ur true piece of peace of mind....but when,sunday really hits it's's BUGGING!!!!

the reason we love sunday is because we love to sleep for the longest time,longer than what we ususally do for the rest of the days...i'm no less....eventhough,my sleep schedule on a daily basis(including all the sundays),is to sleep not before 2-3 am,and inspite of tht,i somehow,manage to wake up anywhere between 6.30-7.30 am...

today, i woke up really late....2.30 pm......say,3pm....thoda sa stretch and angadaiyee(unable to spell tht n can't remember the english translation for it)….i was up,pretty much before,but there was this thing forming infront of me,it’s vague but I somehow,was enjoying every bit of tht imagination…u know,it sometimes happens tht something just goes on (probably the mind does it all)…it’s like a dream forming with ur eyes open without u wishing for it…n it just goes on developing..tempting u to be more curious as to what it might lead to…but it never does,but u just lie there,eyes open but still in sleep….i think,the whole wishful process must have glued me to it…bribed my awareness,probably for an hour or two…..luckily,there was no money transaction made for it…no selling,no purchase…absolutely free and no charge for it…wat is tht the legal term has it-PRO BONO,DARLINGS!!

3pm it was,I finished reading my Sunday papers…nothing much to read,except for the asian age’s supplement which is for book lovers….it was more fun to read tht one before than it publishes now….it’s become really boring….it’s become,not everyone’s but the money’s paper….the part tht I enjoyed the most while flipping through those pages,was my coffee….it always uplifts my mood…I call it my work up appetite….it accompanies me at any time and any kind of a mood tht I’m in….all it needs is to be prepared in a particular manner…black strong coffee with very lil sugar and a spoon of honey….n it’ll be the best thing to happen….now the whole coffee thing is getting too much…kya karoon,coffee ko apnaa dost maanliyaa,toh uski aachee introduction toh karoongee na….

Then I watched films,just two of them….300 and blood diamond…both were good in their own manner…no discrimination,cos it fulfilled its purpose,tht is to entertain us…n I was havin fun watchin it,which is rare with most of the Hollywood films leavin out few…no wonder I prefer foreign ones and humaraa mahabhartiya films,so called bollywood..oops,sorry-hindi film fraternity people don’t like tht term….but they r so fucking wrong about it…it should be bollywood only,cos the biggies hardly respect the regional ones and most of the filmmakers,then y do they categorise it universally when they enjoy playin the role of being the film racists…well,tht’s bit of a conundrum here…right!! Ripping every deserving opportunity to pieces…like,confscicating ur choice to be another,unwillingly!!

5.30pm….as wat I usually do…went out for a jog…I really love this..not bcos im a fitness freak or anything…but,I just love to run,u could say tht I sue the term “fitness” as a form of an might sound weirdly funny to u all,but if I were to be a criminal,the best thing tht I would love about myself would not be stealing,murdering or anything tht actually defines it…but,wat I would really like about it would be tht I would be running,from everything to hide,or to get away from something or to struggle myself out to escape….i would always be running and tht would be it…just,run n run n run,endlessly….not bcos I want to get away from something,or I’m in a hurry,or I want to achieve something…I just love the feeling of running. The heartbeat racing, the breadth would quicken….panting and thirsty…but there’s no stopping…I won’t stop…even if I do physically, but mentally,it would just go on…

anyhow, I do have a short story which is regarding my fascination for the RUN! LOL
but,I wouldn’t jot it down today…perhaps,some other time…..

it’s 8.30 pm,gotta hit the shower…have my dinner-dal chawal…cooked it on my own…n probably,see another Hollywood film…it’s called, PLATOON (oliver stone’s)…
take care…adios!!