Friday, March 21, 2008

hindi poem..my 1st

door,
rahaa na jayee.
paas,
baha naa jayee..

kab tak chalegee,
yeh dil ki saaz.
kab sunn payongee,
saans mein chupee raaz..

mehsuus kiya hain,
maine tujhe.
o,kathor,
chupaa na is pyaar ko..

layee hain bhadh,
humein tumhare paas..
phir bhi door chale jaa rahe hain,
yeh doobti paani,paani se...

------------------------------------

8 Comments:

Blogger milo said...

hellos last two lines pls... it should be "layee hai Baadh"(Flood)
humein tumhare paas,
phir bhi door chale ja rahe hain,
Doobti is paani, pani mein

8:11 AM  
Blogger milo said...

i hava go for dinner rt now... cya laters... :)

It is a very nice attempt .. m impressed,,, aakhir inspirations kahan se mili hain ... lol

8:12 AM  
Blogger TripleSix said...

@milo...
i think i like my version more...
ur poem has more of poetic touch to it,rather than the feel...but,no matter what it is..thnk u..and also for inspiring me...:)

4:49 AM  
Blogger desperado said...

Jo taar se nikli hai wo dhun sabne suni hai

Jo saaz pe guzri hai wo kis dil ko pata hai

a great first attempt..keep writing more

12:29 AM  
Blogger TripleSix said...

@desparado...
it was a trial...i'm glad it worked...

1:21 AM  
Blogger IJ said...

Great! To be able to express in both languages. Hats off to the first atempt. When do we see more? Look forward to it.

7:04 AM  
Blogger TripleSix said...

@IJ..
thnks pa...u r really sweet...i'm tryin,but let's see how far can i go with both the languages...i'm tryin really hard to improve my hindi n excell in english...

7:21 PM  
Blogger acetrump said...

excellent :-) permit me to peek more into such stuff.

4:59 AM  

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