DISINTEGRATED MOMENTS!!!
Well,guess wat,for a change I started to listen to backstreet boys today cos I got too tired of listenin to rock and trance…I used to listen to them(BSB) when I was a teen…but then,slowly and steadly,my taste started to take a gradual change,and I stopped listenin to them,completely….but today,I dn’t know,I just felt like listenin to them…
So I told my frnd to get any BSB’s cassette.she got me “millennium”…so here I am,listenin to it right now,but u know wat..it hasn’t made me feel good about it…it got me nostalgic and I started to remember my past….my past,that was so smooth,full of happiness,no problems at all….that was then…but nowwhile i'm 20yrs of age,everything has changed…
The moment that i frequently remember,while listenin to this tape,is when my dad,mom and my big bro used to come and pick me up from my boarding school,Sacred Heart School(dalhousie). I still remember how my bro and I used to fight over which music to listen to in the car….he wud yell at me and call me stupid for listenin to too much of BSB,and I wud call him borin for he was an ardent listener of Pink Floyd,bob Dylan and The Doors…and seein this my parents wud just laugh…that was then…the happy moments,but now,as I remember those moments,it makes me sad…makes me cry too…
If only I cud turn back the time….the time that I loved the most,but the truth is that my life has gone right frm the zilch,and has no further numbers to add to it…
My whole family has got disintegrated…all of them have chosen their own path to lead on their own….my dad in US,my mom in jammu(I stay with her…but I study in Delhi, pursuing my studies in journalism hons in DU),and my bro in Mumbai….everything has got disintegrated….
I try to avoid thinking about all of this….but it still gets hooked on to my head…and then,I start thinking about it endlessly…which makes me cry so loud that it fades away in the silent of darkness…I cn’t even express my emotions…have to hide it inside only to avoid makin me weak….but its only getting worse…
While I was thinking of sharing this depressin situation of mine,I didn’t know whom to turn to….i have nobody around…I’m still in touch with everyone,and talk to my family but I nvr have the guts to share all that is held up inside me…I didn’t know whom to talk to…..
so I kept thinking and finally thought of writing a blog only to make it easier for me…not that I wanted to share on purpose or ask for sympathy,just wanted to let it out….let it out to anonymous ppl without expectin any comments…
If u think my motive is wrong to share it on the blog….then all I want to say is that I’m helpless…and I’m sry for it.
A lil stuff written by me:-
PAST THAT WAS LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL TO ME,
HAS NOW BECOME DARKNESS INSIDE ME….
AND HAS MADE ME LONELY......
WHERE DID U GO?
WHY HAS UR FLAME EXTINGUISHED?
DN’T U LOVE ME ANYMORE,
DN’T U LOVE ME AT ALL…..
THAT U HAD TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN,
TO LEAD A PATH THAT I NVR WANTED TO WALK UPON!!!!!
ONE AND ONLY ONE QUESTION I ASK THEE….
WAS I DESTINED TO BE LIKE THIS,
WAS I ?……WAS I ?…..WAS I ?………………………
(SELF-WRITTEN)
So I told my frnd to get any BSB’s cassette.she got me “millennium”…so here I am,listenin to it right now,but u know wat..it hasn’t made me feel good about it…it got me nostalgic and I started to remember my past….my past,that was so smooth,full of happiness,no problems at all….that was then…but nowwhile i'm 20yrs of age,everything has changed…
The moment that i frequently remember,while listenin to this tape,is when my dad,mom and my big bro used to come and pick me up from my boarding school,Sacred Heart School(dalhousie). I still remember how my bro and I used to fight over which music to listen to in the car….he wud yell at me and call me stupid for listenin to too much of BSB,and I wud call him borin for he was an ardent listener of Pink Floyd,bob Dylan and The Doors…and seein this my parents wud just laugh…that was then…the happy moments,but now,as I remember those moments,it makes me sad…makes me cry too…
If only I cud turn back the time….the time that I loved the most,but the truth is that my life has gone right frm the zilch,and has no further numbers to add to it…
My whole family has got disintegrated…all of them have chosen their own path to lead on their own….my dad in US,my mom in jammu(I stay with her…but I study in Delhi, pursuing my studies in journalism hons in DU),and my bro in Mumbai….everything has got disintegrated….
I try to avoid thinking about all of this….but it still gets hooked on to my head…and then,I start thinking about it endlessly…which makes me cry so loud that it fades away in the silent of darkness…I cn’t even express my emotions…have to hide it inside only to avoid makin me weak….but its only getting worse…
While I was thinking of sharing this depressin situation of mine,I didn’t know whom to turn to….i have nobody around…I’m still in touch with everyone,and talk to my family but I nvr have the guts to share all that is held up inside me…I didn’t know whom to talk to…..
so I kept thinking and finally thought of writing a blog only to make it easier for me…not that I wanted to share on purpose or ask for sympathy,just wanted to let it out….let it out to anonymous ppl without expectin any comments…
If u think my motive is wrong to share it on the blog….then all I want to say is that I’m helpless…and I’m sry for it.
A lil stuff written by me:-
PAST THAT WAS LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL TO ME,
HAS NOW BECOME DARKNESS INSIDE ME….
AND HAS MADE ME LONELY......
WHERE DID U GO?
WHY HAS UR FLAME EXTINGUISHED?
DN’T U LOVE ME ANYMORE,
DN’T U LOVE ME AT ALL…..
THAT U HAD TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN,
TO LEAD A PATH THAT I NVR WANTED TO WALK UPON!!!!!
ONE AND ONLY ONE QUESTION I ASK THEE….
WAS I DESTINED TO BE LIKE THIS,
WAS I ?……WAS I ?…..WAS I ?………………………
(SELF-WRITTEN)
posted by Anjalika at 7:45 PM
14 Comments:
Aww sweetie its ok to feel sad sometimes, its ok to miss the good times, but don't let the past bring you down. Instead let it be a sort of inspiration for happier days ahead. You have to forget the pain but keep the love alive. Its goin to be hard, i know, but i also know u, and i know that you won't give up, not without a fight. So cheer up niks, ur life's gonna change very soon...for the bettr so be positive! :)
well like mirage said, first thing is to think positive. think positive, and positives will happen. you are doing the right thing by writing down pent up emotions anyway. no use keeping them inside you.
chalo...this another imaginary toast to wishing you a beautiful tomorrow. cheeeers
well all i can say we all go through a lot of personal turmoil,circumstances which go beyond our control, but somehow life finds a way and its upto to us make that way wonderful..
i have always believed "life is a box of chocolates , u know never what u r going to get".
sorry for being very philosphical..and sharing definetly is one way of healing ur wounds...
so keep blogging
thanx for dropping by on mine..
cheers,
to mirage...
thnx for boostin my morale..
to rash...
thnx for the toast for a beautiful day...guess does wat i needed,but where's the beer?lol
to anubhav...
its good to be philosophical if its givin any positive advice,and u've done that...thnx a lot..
every dog has its day...and i know i'll have mine someday..lol
the scattering of the family does not mean that they love you any less for it. try and make some good friends, with whom you can share your soul's contents. thinking positive can do nothing more than induce a state of artificial feel-goodness. be more pro active and do good. by good, i mean the empirical meaning, ie. what is deemed by a person, not the society, to be good. hell, i am blabbing. buena fortuna.
to poison..
i'm not a misanthrophist...jus become a lil cynical and more of depressin sort,but i'm tyrin my best to sort myself out of the shit that i'm goin through...
society...they r the ones who degrade u for no reason at all...only bcos they want to..i know it,cos i've been through it...all of my relatives are phonies..fuckin phonies,but i'm not insulted...for i now know their true colors and got myself out of that relationship...much btr off like that...
wats "buena fortuna"?,
and ur not blabbin inconsequentially...ur only placin ur opinion...and thats what is needed!!!thnx for droppin by
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
buena fortuna means good luck.
the world around us is populated by phonies. at times, even i am a phony.( do read 'the catcher in the rye') thts the world order i guess. then again, who can we complain to. egocentrism is the ultimate dna of each human being, no matter what they show outside. random acts of selflessness do not disprove this, i think, as there are more dominant emotional genes at play at times. i am no gene researcher. i am a speculator.
and, the song from apocalypse now, the one in the beginning is heart rending, to say the least. i love it.
hey poison,
thnx for a lil note on dna....got my brain flexed...
bout phonies...too hard to describe their moods...but yes,i've read that book by j.d and have also read bout mark chapman (who killed john lennon).he infact derived his source of inspiration frm that book...wat do i say bout him...a phony sufferin frm narcissm personality problem...
buena fortuna 2u2!!!!
hi...first of all,i don't know your name and it'll be weird if i address u as triplesix.so plz give me something better.
and why do u have to write a sorry note on your own blog yaar.like i said,u r the queen of "girlinterrupted" and hell do and write whatever u want to.this is your space.even if u don't have any "person" to turn to...at least u have this blog.
so enjoy blogging!! :)
oh btw,yes i am studying in DU....eco hons.
@becoming stranger to myself...
i feel really good after readin that comment of urs,esp knowin that i have the full authority to write anthing,sensible ofcousre(lol).....
....my name is anjalika..u want smthin more short than this...nika
hey i study in DU too...journalism hons
ur blog is ain't easy to remember as well...wats ur name?
i'm Richa...
hey richa....good to know u....
keep in touch!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home