GirlInterrupted

? (not thought of the title yet)

2010-11-07T06:27:00.001-08:00

Liars and Phonies praying, "Thy Kingdom Come"
Watch your back,
For I will soon destroy your Pride and Fiefdom...

(the above is incomplete, but i know it's impactful....i will try to finish this poem or rap or rant...whatever u want to call it before this week's end)...

"CALLS"

2010-11-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

People have three most essential CALLS to make everyday -

Doody Call

Duty Call

Booty Call
...

(It rhymes and it is arranged with respect to time)

stealing thoughts

2009-12-16T00:31:00.000-08:00

my words pummeling through my heart, passing through my brain on to a sheet of paper and on the computer screen....

others are reading, but i see it bleeding....

writing..late night

2009-11-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

I can’t write,
Till it’s late night
*Vedder sings out his trouble
*Johnson strings and I crumble

*Before Sunrise, Before Sunset
Deadline ticking on to me
I can clearly hear her warn,
*“Darling, you are going to miss that flight!”

I have a horrifying tale to trail
It’s horrible, but I fear
I still can’t write
Just waiting, till it’s late night

It was 11:30 am,
*As Good As It Gets,
*Melvin and the Ugly Dog
Cheer me up, and make me slog

Months ago, since I unpacked,
I have been almost in tears
*I can’t find melodious Bobby Long
*And practice dance to Miss Spears

But what’s worse…
I stare out and grab my verse;
I am unable to write
And, I know,
it’ll soon be late night

*Bail me out Bale
Hear me out, uncalled hail
Hemmingway and Miss Alice and the *sonatas
cry out,
“You’ve got to write, My Mate
Before it’s god damned late.”

Minutes pass, patience fade
*Moody Mooday plays
*And R’stein will embrace

But,
Bloody hell, I still can’t write
What’ll happen,
When it’s shit late night??

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes
*Vedder [pearl jam..Eddie Vedder..my favorite songwriter]
*Johnson [jack johnson]
*Before Sunrise, Before Sunset[2 movies of Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy]
*Julie Delpy's character [quote at the end of the above mentioned film]
*As Good As It Gets [movie]
*Melvin and the Ugly Dog [characters from the above mentioned film. melvin played by Jack Nicholson and the ugly dog is the pug in the film]
*Bobby Long [soundtrack of Love Song for Bobby Long]
*Miss Spears [Britney Spears]
*Bale[Christian Bale..i love this actor. my fav]
*sonatas [i was listening to Vivaldi when i wrote this one]
*Moody Mooday [song by Damien Rice..it's a pretty sexy song]
*R'stein[Rammstein...my favorite band]

Curious Incident of the 'Beer Man'

2009-05-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

I was working on my article when my boss walk passed me and left the newspaper, Times of India, on my colleague's desk who was absent today. The paper was open to its inside page (on the Times Nation section). My eyes got fixed to a headline that said, "Serial Killer 'Beer Man' gets life term." It scampered away my attention from my work, and I jumped to read the whole story.

Here’s the ‘Beer Man’ romanticizing:-

My Name - Ravindra Kantrole
My Fame - I am Your 'Beer Man', baby...Want some?
My position- Mumbai Meri Jaan
My Passion - I love killing people when they're asleep
My Breakthrough Moment - 11th January, 2007
My First Gift - I stabbed him nearly 20 times on his chest, abdomen, arms and thighs; and I felt so good.

How many so far – Seven Deadly Sins (cases)

It’s My Way – I entice my fellow-beings with beer before I take my final shot and celebrate their end.

My Motive – I leave my epithet over their dead bodies with an empty beer can.

I am – Your very own - Beer Man

"Every job's a blind date, and the sweaty fat girl is always you"

2009-05-08T23:24:00.000-07:00

- Scott Raab

(i represent the sweaty fat girl") - except that i am not fat...lol

Oh! My! I am the cause of all the problems. The mistakes, incomplete, grammatical errors and the best of all - “it’s simply not good”. “I always have to ask someone to rework on what you write.” This happens with me when I write humor, when I contribute something, when I try to joke a little amongst those who have already created nuisance at the content meeting.

How about this this? I am sick of writing humor. I am sick of writing stuff that I don’t belong to. I hate it even more when people just like to crowd around me and read what I am writing. It’s not only happening now, it happens bloody all the time. If you are so bloody sick of what I write, then I don’t know how to help because I can’t come up with a simple solution to my grave problem.

I have been waiting for something desperately. I am just holding on to a hope that I get through. I hate this city too. It never happened; neither did it occur to me that I would despise the city that I lived in for 7 years would go to such extremes. This is what happens when you get distracted. It’s like reading an attention grabbing, full of mysteries and hidden code, something that would need you to decipher and you are highly curious, in a history. But, all of a sudden, someone plays Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven. How can I not listen to it and read. But if you look at it this way, the music is no way trying to incite you. Led Zeppelin’s most famous Stairway to Heaven is a bloody good song, and I would give up 100 more of such historical extravagance to listen to this music. It is, afterall, worth it.

Coming back to where I was fuming. Damn it, if you do not like it. FINE! But don’t start with the comparison. I hate it. Anyone would hate it. i detest fitting my foot into someone’s shoes. I don’t want that “corn” growing in the “sole” of my feet. Oh! What if I did something like that? What if I am manipulated by these taunts, comparisons and chidings, and eventually, i try other’s shoe - That thought can definitely rupture my soul.

“She worked all night to rework on your shit.” “Whatever I give you, you can’t seem to do no good.” “Ah! Nah! I couldn’t find myself laughing at it.” “It’s not funny Anjalika.” “Anjalika, what the heck is wrong with you”, “Anjalika, what the fuck is wrong with you” and blah blah blah…I hear that all the time. Hey! I think I have the solution to this. Seal your problems because I have failed to find my solution.

Guess what! He’s only trying to cause rift between me and the others. He’s even trying to bog down on me as well. That’s supremely well done on your part – Mr. Big Man!

You know, it takes one biker bastard to misbehave with me to make my decision to leave this shit Capital. Also, it takes one idiot to throw his unnecessary tantrums on me to resign. However, I am just waiting for that HOPE to land so that everything that is manhandling my patience ends.

as weird as this story can be...The Battle of the Bloodiest

2009-05-04T01:34:00.000-07:00

The Battle of the Bloodiest

This is a story of two powerful blood-sucking beings. There are here to campaign for their political parties and are yearning for a bright future in the land of blood. This bloodbath is in tribute to the heroes who have not only sacrificed themselves, but also donated (posthumous) blood to the hemophiliac and the dogs.

Here’s introducing the contenders of that powerful generation:-

Vampire,"Kutte kaminey, main tera khoon pee jayonga"

Dharam,"Aye, Maa ka khoon pee ha, toh saamne aa"

28 Days Later….The blood battle went on. The survivors protested and carried slogans like “Humare khooney puri karon.” But, there was no stopping to the battle between the Vampire and Dharam. They continued contesting for the elections.

28 Weeks Later…The Vampire won the election by 1200 ml of blood, whereas Dharam lost by .5ml. Dharam went back to chasing dogs, while the Vampire created a new strategy in their politics[poli = many + tics = blood suckers]. Their strategy proved to be healthy and fit for the junta. In a recent press interview, the leader of the ruling party was found quoting the following,

Vampire, "Why should mosquitoes have all the fun?"

Cinema Fresher

2009-04-24T05:49:00.000-07:00

The Uniform Days

Year 2003; it was just another boring Sunday spent in the boarding school at a desert like area in Punjab.Most of the inmates had gone home by then. All those who didn’t were either busy sleeping in the dorms or were happily cracking stupid nonsensical jokes in Punjabi. Since it was hard for me to comprehend the local language and had no one to talk to at that time, I chose to be alone. It was almost two in the afternoon, I tried really hard to sleep, but couldn’t (as it is everyone around me were snoring loud enough to kill anyone in the battle of noises). After an hour of restlessness, I got up and walked to the TV room. I picked up the remote control and got busy watching ridiculous shows and videos. After sometime, I saw Paanch’s footage and the name of the director of that film, Anurag Kashyap for the very first time. Those 10 seconds footage completely blew my senses away. It felt so different watching it and I felt happy that finally our Bollywood is ready to experiment and Paanch could one of the films entering into the loop.

Unfortunately, the film underwent a lot of troubles and controversies. The Censor Board of India never approved of its release. Thereafter, Paanch never made it to the cinema halls. Movie buffs like us moved on too. We had to compromise with our taste in cinema by fulfilling our basic requirement of entertainment sans intelligence with anything that came by.

Class Bunk

After Paanch’s hullabaloo, Kashyap vowed never to come back. But on February 9th, 2007, his second film, Black Friday (based on the 1993 Mumbai bombings), finally released. It was to be released in the year 2004, but couldn’t due to legal hassles. But, when things cooled down and the film managed to release, I watched it and was left astounded. The movie was well appreciated by the critics and the public. With the theatrical debut of Black Friday, Anurag Kashyap was finally noticed for his exceptional work as a filmmaker.

Within that year, No Smoking released too. Unfortunately, unlike Black Friday’s success, No Smoking turned out to be a disaster. As opposed to this, a handful of people, including me, worshiped the film. The film boasted of an exceptionally well written script and incredible narration.

Days later, I read about an internet site called ‘Passion for Cinema’, where Kashyap regularly blogged. Since I was an avid blogger, I started to comment on his posts as well, hoping that some day he would post his opinion on my articles.

Getting the Degree

It was a cold and exhausting November night, while I was busy preparing for the semesters (M.A Philosophy). Suddenly, I received a mail alert on my computer. I checked my inbox. There was a mail from the man himself. I was wonderstruck and then stared blankly at the PC for long. I was also shit scared to read the damn mail. Some strange rambling went on in my head almost driving me nuts–

Should I?

Should I Not?

What could he have written?

Did I write something wrong on his blog?

What if he is extremely offended by it?

I was clueless and decided to delete the mail without even reading it. Somehow, I did manage to read the mail after assembling my guts and this is what he had written (to some extent though…I can’t remember the exact message).

“Hey Anjalika, thank you for the comment…..I’m glad that we share a similar understanding….I visited your blog and read your stuff…..I would really like it if you could mail your CV to me…

Regards,

Anurag Kashyap”

Immediately, I mailed my résumé, after making numerous changes to my CV and rehearsed it after each and every changes made to it. I went berserk and ignored my books. Suddenly, my phone rang.

“Bloody Hell! Who could this be?” I exclaimed after seeing an unknown number flashing on my cell phone.

I answered,

“Hello”

“Anjalika, this is Anurag Kashyap.”

“Yeah right!”

I disconnected the call after saying that.

I was really pissed off. I thought it was my friend fooling around me (as they always do). In another few minutes, the phone rang again. It was the same goddamn unknown number. Annoyed, I answered the call and told him,

“Listen man….enough with this fooling around. I would really appreciate it if you could put a halt to this bullshit right now.”

“Anjalika, this is Anurag Kashyap. You had just sent me your résumé minutes ago.”

“Shit”…Embarrassed, I muttered that to myself and instantly apologized giving out my reasons for being crude. Nonetheless, things chilled out between us and we talked for sometime.

“So Anjalika what are you doing these days?”

“Sir, I’m preparing for my Masters.”

“Don’t call me sir.”

“Is Kashyap fine?”

“Yup! What else have you done?”

“I’ve done my Bachelor’s in Journalism and after that I did internships with a news paper and AIR. I have also worked as a production assistant in a production house.”

“Alright. Anjalika how long have you been writing?”

“Not long enough and I don’t think of myself as a great one either.”

“Your favorite film?”

“Cinema Paradiso”

“Hmmmm…”

“Anj, would you be interested in working on my new film? It’s called Dev.D. We have a long shooting schedule in Delhi and we need people.”

“Of course. It will be an honor to work with you.”

“That’s great. You are hired then.”

“Thank you so much, Kashyap.”

“No issues. I’ll tell someone from my team to mail you the script and other requirements like auditions and location set up.”

“Sure.”

“Good Luck Anjalika and good night. Also, all the best for your papers.”

“Thank you and good night to you too.”

“Bye”

“Bye”

The Assignment

In another week, I received the film script and, subsequently, kick started with the recce with location hunting, putting up ads for new casts in various theatre schools and intuitions and lots of running around. After a month, Kashyap’s team, along with the casting director, arrived in Delhi, instantly starting off with the pre-production. Actors who auditioned were mostly from National School of Drama and a lot of them were really good. Everything was in progress; it all went smoothly and without much delay. I even met Kashyap (twice infact) during pre-production in Delhi when the winter was harsh. The so called “jinxed” or “the controversial director”, as portrayed by media, is actually a very sweet guy in person. Though I didn’t get to spend quality time with him (Honestly, I barely had few minutes with him), but I still had a great time. He talked mostly about Delhi and how much he loves the city and misses its winters after moving to Mumbai.

He went through the recorded disc of those auditioned. Most of the actors were rejected for faking it. He told us to spend another week and audition more people. As far as the location was concerned, especially Paharganj (as required for the script), I showed him this Café cum restaurant that had a terrace overlooking the narrow and crowded street; all of which was recorded on my video cam. This Café was located in the main market, but the place and the street definitely had a great cinematic impact. He was really happy with this spot and approved it instantly. By late evening, he left for Mumbai and wished me good luck.

The second time he visited Delhi was when the team was ready to leave for Mumbai. Kashyap had come for a press conference. His first animation, Hanuman Returns (dedicated to his daughter), was releasing in that week. He even informed the media about his new film, Dev D. After the conference was over, he took all of us out for lunch at Kake da Dhaba, Connaught Place (incidentally, this dinning place also happens to be his favorite). While he ordered for a Kashmiri mutton dish, I gorged myself with makki di roti and sarson ka saag.

Soon, everything got over. I was really happy with the way things turned out while I was with Anurag Kashyap’s team. I learn a lot during these days. All this was not only challenging but exciting as well. It was surely worth the experience. When the shooting began, I even had a chance to be on the set of Dev.D in Chandni Chowk and meet its star cast (Abhay Deol and the other two female actors who were newcomers). I’m really glad that I had the opportunity to work with Anurag Kashyap. It had always been a dream, and now I shall always cherish this.

Jack Johnson and his ‘In Between Dreams’

2009-04-02T04:19:00.001-07:00

"A friend of mine was trying to get this girl," said Johnson, "and I tried to write a song that would help him have a laugh at himself because he was spending so much time trying to get her and it obviously wasn't leading anywhere. That was one just to cheer up a friend." [Song – “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” from In Between Dreams]

Jack Johnson is a Hawaii-born songwriter, musician, filmmaker and surfer, who has grown up listening to influences such as Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Bob Marley, Neil Young and The Beastie Boys. Before becoming a full-time musician, he was a renowned surfer; until he met with a surfing accident. After finding himself bedridden after the accident, he spent a lot of his time writing songs and playing guitar. He stated about the accident, "I like to joke that I hit my head so hard that that's why I'm so mellow, but I think it did mellow me out." It was during this time that he discovered his passion for music. I guess that’s where the mellowness comes from in his song-composing, making it dreamy like just like the title of the album In Between Dreams.

In Between Dreams is his third album and the best so far. Almost all the songs in this album are just to make you have a good time and sing along. For instance, “Banana Pancakes”, which is more like a wake-up-in-the-morning-and-make-breakfast-with-your-family kind of song. Another example would be “Do You Remember" that was written when the Jack met his wife while attending college, “It is a simple love song with some personal moments.”

The album has a bit of both reggae and folk, and the music’s wave-like sway makes you want to mellow out no matter how you feel. Of all the songs, I particularly liked “Breakdown” especially for its stop-and-smell-the-roses lyrics.

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody.

From dedicating songs to his wife to being inspired by writers such as Kurt Vonnegut in “Crying Shame” and Joseph Campbell. Even tragic incidents like the killings in Fallujah during the Iraq War caused Johnson to come up with a song like “Never Know” about people pushing their religions on each other – “People keep on killing for their metaphors.”

Jack Johnson’s laid back approach in his singing is his biggest strength lending a sense of tranquility to his music. It makes you want to close your eyes and picture yourself in Hawaii sitting by the beach…I guess that’s what Johnson wants to say with his In Between Dreams.

i hate him

2009-03-30T23:19:00.000-07:00

i hate him....i hate him and i hate and i hate him....his phone doesn't ring. i see no reply to my mails and to my comments...he has never been like this. i am not asking him to do me any favor or try 'dancing' for me.(though, it would be great if he does one for me...how about a pole dance"

i just came to know a lot of people going crazy over him...maybe, it's a good time that i should stop it and take a leap from it. i have better things to do than follow the fools....initially, it’s like you are breathing into an empty plastic glass and your voice is sealed…no air, no words…just an empty glass to your mouth. To others, it’s fun...but to me, it was more like introspecting and contemplating. finally, when the chewing over is done and a call from another cheered me up...i'm back but i still feel sleepy...

what have i written? i have no clue....this is exact situation that i am into....completely clueless...

A Cat and Maus Tale

2009-03-26T04:24:00.000-07:00

David Hume, a Scottish philosopher, once said “the science of man is the only solid foundation for the other sciences.” Here, Hume isn’t referring to the subject that we study in school when he mentions the word- “science”. What he means by it is the empirical method based on “experience and observation”. Art Spiegelman’s Maus is a depiction of the same. The use of Hume’s philosophy is reflected in the book where Art Spiegelman- author and the cartoonist of the book interviews his dad Vladek Spiegelman, a Polish Jew, who is a survivor of the Holocaust.

The father and the son share a troubled relationship. The son finds it hard to cope with a relationship that is grief-stricken, even though he shows a certain amount of interest in his father’s stories of survival during the Nazi occupation. The book has a satirical feel about it since the characters are all presented as various types of anthropomorphic animals, according to nationality or race; for instance, the Jews are represented as mice for their weakness of character and the Nazis are the cats epitomizing their fascist nature, along with Swedes as reindeer, the French as frogs, the British as fish, Americans as dogs, Poles as pigs and Roma (Gypsies) are represented as gypsy moths.

Art Spiegelman’s writing and art work are superb. He magnificently pulls you in as he narrates his father’s story and the trouble they went through during the Nazi era.

There are few comics that I know of that are highly regarded by the general populace. For example V for Vendetta and 300 (largely due to being the basis for popular films). Maus, Pulitzer Prize winner (1992) is one book that definitely needs to be added to the list.

The Killer's Menu

2009-03-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

This was then, but as we further slide into the year 2009, there are chances that you will end up as the killer’s favorite dish for their special occasions. That is is exactly what our Delhites enjoy doing bizarre acts such as above (box in the newspaper article) with their fellow-beings.

Behold, my friends, observe and be cautious of your every move before landing up in their melting chocolate and creamy dessert of blood delights. Until and unless, you want to put on a little weight and struggle your way up to the Almighty. Calories that are throbbing with madness and insanity while you were being slapped, stabbed, shot or tortured before being relished by these ‘gracious and generous’ killers of the Capital.

Tuning Into 'Bobby Long'

2009-01-16T04:55:00.000-08:00

I know you rock music lovers who are crazy about their collection, will show off their taste ranging from the good old Led Zeppelin to contemporary skull-crushing Rammstein. Then there’ll be others who will invite you to check out their special vintage collection comprising of artists like Dean Martin and Kishore Kumar. Such people may even be proud to share trivia like how Amitabh Bachchan's character ended up having the name Anthony Gonsalves in the movie Amar Akbar Anthony. Incidentally, the name was given as a tribute to Mr. Gonsalves by the film’s most popular Bollywood composer duo Laxmikant-Pyarelal. (Anthony Gonsalves was Pyarelal’s music teacher from Goa.)

No matter what genre of music you enjoy listening to, the music album of Love Song for Bobby Long, in my opinion, is a must have in your collection. It’s not an album that you can boast about in the public. Honestly, it doesn’t even consist of artists that are as famous as your ‘favorite’ Britney Spears or Michael Jackson. But, I would still strongly recommend this album for its sheer musical simplicity and beautifully written lyrics.

The album goes with every mood and under any circumstance (even if you are sweating and traveling in a crowded bus. Or, even worse, spending a night in your house when there’s no electrical power; shit scared and shivering due to the freezing temperature on Christmas). Whether you are straight, gay, lesbian; in love or heart broken, you can still listen to the album at any time of the day and for every reason. All you need is love for music; and if you appreciate good stuff, you will surely listen to this one not just once, but over and over again.

Priyanka ki ma* bah** ki 2008 ne

2009-01-10T02:59:00.000-08:00

Priyanka Chopra’s Flopped Story 2008

Nikhil Advani's ensemble piece, Salaam-e-Ishq: was Priyanka Chopra's first release in the previous year. That filmed bombed. Her next release, Big Brother was also a disaster. And this year, I felt like giving her a tight slap on her face for all her releases including for Fashion and Dostana. She is an utter disaster and it’s best for her to go back to where she came from. Madam of the ‘World’, you don’t deserve to be an actress even though you had all the opportunities to save your stand in the Hindi Film Industry. Your talent is so full of shit that it has become unbearable for us to breathe in the cinema halls and in front of our television.

Love Story 2050

- Well the movie is a bad copy of a lot of English movies. Major portion has been ripped off The Time machine. Frankly, its one of the worst movies I have seen this year. She overacts as if she is a soft, chui-mui, princess with ridiculous hair-do (red), fashion faux pas and weird verbose. She's already tasted success with Krrish (in the sci-fi genre) and thinks she's made for this. Well, to tell you the truth Miss Chopra – it’s terrible...

God Tussi Great Ho!

– OMFG….That’s it…That’s all I have to say about this crap. This film is a complete copy of Bruce Almighty and is very very bad. Priyanka hope God saves you in the coming year 2009.

Chamku

– This movie had Priyanka Chopra doing absolutely nothing much other than being Bobby Deol's love interest and play a goody-goody teacher. Wow! What a role? Mind Blowing!

Drona

- Drona is easily one of the worst movies in Indian history. She acts like a zombie in the film. Of course, there’s one thing that I can appreciate about the film, Priyanka can start a fitness regime and give some tips to our super-dumb hefty hero – Abhishek Bachan. He seriously needs one.

Fashion

– From rags to riches; also going through a marital affair, sex, drugs, booze, bitching and being awfully racist after sleeping with a black guy. All this has certainly helped Miss Chopra gain an instant success with not so Khicddi waala film by Madhur Bhandakar. Too bad, her beau, Harman Baweja, will have to apply the same tactics for the sequel as well. Fashion, to me, it was another rubbish- twisted film. Not worth watching for even once. Uff, Spare me the horror, girl.

Dostana

– This is a story of two guys (one is underdressed and the other is overdressed), a dim-witted woman and a pretentious gay story. Priyanka does another terrible improvisation in the film again – by adding her ‘Oomph’ quotient.

Priyanka Chopra looked really bad in the film. Even, if she was wearing that so-called bikini while walking on the beach. This Nature’s Mistake was certainly a torture for the viewers. She looked cheaper than the cheapest slut and uglier than the ugliest tramp in that Desi Girl song with her shimmering sari tucked between her boobies.

After all this, I bet Priyanka Chopra can’t wait to get out of 2008. I think what’s best for would be to take an exit from the Bollywood and never return, thus sparing us from watching you do all those mindless acts I’ll surely be the first one to give you a hearty farewell treat. It’ll be a much awaited honor for me to do that for someone special like you.

Step Up: Dancing All the Way

2009-01-07T01:21:00.000-08:00

I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance. ~Friedrich Nietzsche~

It’s been only four months since I have been learning Street Jazz with Ashley Lobo, but it had been a long time since I realized that dancing comes naturally to me. After going through various stage performances, choreographing numerous dance shows and winning accolades and prizes in scores of competitions in school and college, I always knew at the back of my head that dance was special to me. Unfortunately, none of this - prizes and praise mattered to me because it wasn’t enough for me. That’s because I wanted to do more; it’s like the saying, “Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.” I was relentless and desperate to learn more that would make me happy.

Years ago, I had joined Bharatnayam. One day, there was this Annual Day where I had performed on stage (I can’t remember the song, but it was surely some bird dance that I had to perform on). That’s when my father felt that I had something in me and should move further to improve. That’s when he made me join Bharatnayam. I learnt a lot of stuff from this classical dance like making movements with my eyes, hands and head. Another thing that I imbibed while learning Bharatnayam was the importance of having grace as one of the basic foundation required to be a good dancer. Sadly, I couldn’t continue with it. My father was transferred from Mumbai to Jammu. After that, I never had the chance to go back to Bharatnayam.

Now that I have joined street jazz classes that has a bit of hip- hop and other crazy moves, those Bharatnayam movements and all that grace that I had learnt during those days wouldn’t easily be forgotten. It’s a lesson that I’ll treasure it for long. However, dancing in the Danceworx (Ashley Lobo) is a lot more fun than learning Bharatnayam.

My dance instructor is really supportive. I remember this one time where she had spent a good 15 minutes talking to me after our stage performance got over. She was pretty much pleased by the way I had danced that day on the stage in the group choreography, except that I wasn’t going easy on myself. She even mentioned to me that it’s not necessary to perfect each step. Messing up the steps looks cooler and hip. What’s more important is to remember to keep up with the attitude, because that’ll grasp the audience’s attention more than anything else. Face expression, eye movements, grace, attitude etc are some of the secret ingredients that’ll surely help enhance my dance. It is extremely important to be in the zone than go off the beat and dance like a stupid person.

When I see films like Save the Last Dance I & II, Centre Stage, Honey and other films, it gives me an inner sense of encouragement and inspires me to do more and excel in it. It’s like how Constanze puts it, “Dancing is like dreaming with your feet”. The song “What a Feeling” from the film Flashdance says it all, when passion and dance mingles; it gives an amazing sense of being yourself.

What a feeling.

Bein's believin'.

I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life.
Take your passion

and make it happen.

Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life.

What’s Out There?

2008-12-13T00:54:00.001-08:00

It’s sometimes so difficult to begin with something and, at times; it gets even worse when you are responsible to put an end to it. You are not supposed to rant or crib, but you have the right to personalize it. When you start with something stupid and the outcome turns out to be ridiculous, you become speechless. The result is that you just want to put it away or crumple it or to make you feel better, burn it till its meaning of “thinghood”, as put by Aristotle, vanishes into thin air. Thus, no ashes to ashes and no dust to dust. It’s time to restart. Almost everyday, we all go through this. Last night, something really stupid happened. After work, my colleague and I left in an auto rickshaw. The auto guy fixed the fare higher than what it usually is. After a hard try at negotiating to a little lower fare than what he had asked for, we sat leaving the remaining arguments blown by the cold wind, as the auto man revved up his engine and took off.

After dropping off my colleague, (his house comes on the way to my place), I was sitting alone in the auto. After that, I felt really awkward for another 10 minutes. He did everything to express his anger to me. Was I the cause of, I can’t be confident on that because I really didn’t do anything that would infuriate him. I felt like a harmless insect that was bearing the brunt of his attitude. I was confused and sh*t scared as well. It was late in the night, and I didn’t want to fight with him and risk my life at the cost of it. (You know how Delhi commuters are in the night). Seriously, something is really crazy about these people who lock their sanity into insane acts like road rage. One minute they are really sweet and nice to you, and then, the next minute, comes the gun and bang-bang. It’s like someone gifted you a box of chocolates, and out comes Jack from the Box scaring the sh*t out of you. Except that, this time you are not laughing at yourself for being so blatantly stupid. Instead, you are on the ground, bleeding away to death, and no one turns up to your rescue, or even take the initiative to dial the goddamn helpline. It’s here when you actually feel the realms of an existential thriller, (subconsciously recounting all the movies that you have seen so far). You are your own audience at this extreme point of reality, but for others it’s just another source of entertainment. Therefore, they all encircle around the fu*king incident and stare at the live ‘filmy’ scene. Later, in the end, there’ll be another candle light fu*king peace march done in ‘thy holy’ name.

Alright, I apologize for dragging you to this nightmarish imagination, and take you back to where I was, i.e. traveling in the auto and being the victim of rile behavior. Honestly, this is exactly what I was going through in that auto with the maniac. Luckily, I withheld my anger and didn’t do anything stupid.

So, I told the guy to stop at a point which was close to my place. (I didn’t want him to know where I lived.) I paid him 100 bucks and was waiting for the balance (the fare was fixed by me and my colleague at 90 with the auto guy.)

I waited for another few seconds, and then I asked him, “Bhaiya, balance?”…There was no reply, but I could see him folding his arms and could sense something very absurd forming within that moment. I was sitting behind all this nonsense and it was hard for me to decipher such a gesture. So I stepped out to confront this dim-witted as*hole and asked him again. He obstinately refused and persisted not to give me back the balance that I had been waiting for after a long time of such intolerance. I gave up and was so pissed off by him and told him to fu*k off. After that, he went away without giving the balance and I walked down to my place, all wound up. Suddenly, I felt inane about all this and tried to forget about it. So, I stabbed my anger into the chilly thin air that left no ‘ashes’ or ‘dust’ settling on my mind.

don't judge me

2008-07-11T23:39:00.000-07:00

there;s a lot of anger tht's just fillin in...it's jumpin in and out...i am jumping...physically and mentally...i can't take it any more....it's like an osmosis of anger tht's swelling...it's gettin heavier for my body...it's goin to bloat..it's weghing down on me...so before it becomes difficult to control this spasm of fit, i thought i should just jot it down to coll myself...

there's idiot who's tryin to dictate me and lecture me on the stupidest topic of all:be happy...so i told him to "fuck off,and stop dictatin me around"....then, i havn't started writting my article, and i'm mad bcos of tht too...whatever i have been writting for the company tht i'm working in..is truning out to be trash...not only meant to be thrown in the bin, but burnt as well..i wish all the write-ups were living,just like flesh n blood,so tht i could feel the burning sensation and make me realise tht i have been writting utter shit all through....

right now,i'm writting whatvere is coming into my head...i'm not thinkin...n i'm not goin to change the inccorect speelings or correct my grammatical eror..i just want to write...i want to write crap...it's the anger..i can't take it any more...so,all tht i'm scribblinmg write now, is more like thrwoing up all tht's in my systems...i can even feel the thumping of the keys,it's hard n i'm being harsh with it...i wannna jump into the pool n spalsh water on everyone as roughly as it cabn be...

i can feel the nager dying...i'm tryin my best to calm this thing down...but damn it,i've ran out of wrods...so wat saurabh...or watever ur name is..so what i misspelt it..i care a damn....just buzz off,if u r more concerned with the correction...don't even come here to read it,n then come up with a stupid fucking conclusion tht we write on a similar basis...

hey bro,if u don't wanna read the magazine..or if u r just forcing ur self to do it..then don't...i would prefer tht....under obligation comes no honesty...and tht would mean tht there's no honest response to what u will read when u go through my write-ups...do me a favour,i know u've given up on smoking..but i'm sure tht u still have a stalk of lighter's sitting around collecting filthy dust of mumbai,the most clasutrophobic city...get hold og tht lighter n burn the damn thing down....i'll be happier than u readin it unwillingly...just for the heck of reading...

i don't what's happening now,it's like a breakthough tht has just collapsed within me..i don't know what i'm writting...clueless...but i'm feelin a lil better...i think i'm hungry....

cheers darling to loneliness

2008-06-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

just a thought that came by..

it makes u see tht most miss from their daily life...it lets u appreciate what the others would deny with their hands down.....there's magic in the unusual and there's a song tht hums from the deep within where the hands never reach beyond the roots of the most horrifying....

cheers darling!

talk..talk..talk

2008-05-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

how much of time is spent in talking...just plain talk...the nonsense goes non-stop...i'm not talkin about conversation....u do that bcos u want to share an opinion or debate over it...all in all,it's just a way of developing friendship or enhance the compatability with the other person....but what if there isn't any need for any of this.Tht's when people just go on and on and on...all those words spoken are not something worth conversing even, they r just preposterous...it just wants to eat u up...n the person who is responsible for it, the so called "gasbag", seems more like a big tank of parasites ready to engulf and devour u at any bloody moment....
how is it that people just go on with it..talk non-stop,completely???
the bus that i travel in has these ladies sitting with me in the driver's cabin who just yap all the time...for that long 40 minutes of travel, it simply goes in yap-yap-yap-yap endlessly, inspite of this that i have the Ipod plugged into my ear,but i still hear them....
yesterday,this watchman was standing at my door with receipt's in his hand...i had to pay him for what what he does...sleep! the exact opposite of what he should be doing..nevertheless,i still paid him,but the minute i asked him about my maid who hadn't turned up for the last few days,replied by sharing with me his long tales of i dn't know what bcos my hearing sensation got numb and tht was simply not amusing...i wanted to throw up on him. I got sick at tht moment bcos i got tired of listenin to all tht crap bcos there was absoluetly no connection to what i had asked him..
he could have simply said, "i dn't know madam" or "i'll try"..instead of this which would have taken like only 2-5 seconds to answer,he took my goddamn 20 minutes of patience,n it was unbearable...i just felt like thrashing him left,right,centre and kick his balls to keep him shut....
after sometime,when i couldn't take his everlasting crap any longer,i literally had to tell him to stop n not to utter another word..i really did tht,n also told him to stop giving me a headcahe...
and now,the gossip mongers are on again...it's like this remote conrtol with the talking buttons sans mute and the volume is increasing. My head is about to explode..it's about to burst..i can already feel the blood spewing out of my head and taste the sense of irritation in it...YUCK!!!!!

1st day of everythin

2008-04-16T00:47:00.000-07:00

since yesterday i havn't been able to sleep....10days of notice,and i knew tht my days of struggle isn't goin to be easy....packing and running around to find a new place for myself...all in 10 days....

delhi isn't mumbai...and tht leads to another set of problems for a person like me to find an apt place to live in...a room on rent for a single person sans the owner and his lochagiri..and yes,for obvious reason...SAFE AND SECURE...

today,after not sleeping for 19hrs,i shifted to the new plave...decent looking and kinda safe...intially i found the place a bit depressin (probably because there was this family stayin,as tenants, with kids waling and the whole atmosphere of family living and all was making me sick to the core)..

but after i shifted my stuff to the new appartment,i felt good and relieved...infact,i pretty much like the place now...right now,i'm sitting at the desk of Traffic..and thnkfully my first job tht would pay me good (unlike the ones before this...none of them had the courtesy to pay good inspite of being loyal to the job)..anyhow,tht dsn't bother me anymore...

current position:in need of deep sleep and a bottle of beer,but i', still happy..more than just tht....and i'm glad the scenario is such,cos this has never happned to me before...thnk god for today....

another try

2008-04-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

kyun hain tu rutha,
es zindagi se.
kyun hain yeh angeenat baatein,
aur yeh hazaar ranjeeshay...

chodd na yaar!!
aur aa mere saath.
chal jeele es zindagee ko,
kuch mauj mein aur kuch khoobsurti se...

hindi poem..my 1st

2008-03-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

door,
rahaa na jayee.
paas,
baha naa jayee..

kab tak chalegee,
yeh dil ki saaz.
kab sunn payongee,
saans mein chupee raaz..

mehsuus kiya hain,
maine tujhe.
o,kathor,
chupaa na is pyaar ko..

layee hain bhadh,
humein tumhare paas..
phir bhi door chale jaa rahe hain,
yeh doobti paani,paani se...

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just read it...i dn't have the apt title for it

2008-03-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

sometimes...u don't understand why certain events happen with u...n there are many times when u don't get a clue as to how to smoothen ur problems...u do somethin,which is abrupt and way too honest,or u r giving ur point of view,it goes for a toss...gets rubbed in the wrong way,which is not what ur intention was...all this and u end up feeling guilty about the way u behaved....or in most times,disgusted...

u make an effort to b somewhere...n u don't.....u try to make up with people,but the responses die....u wait for the calls n make preparations to celebrate...nothing happens....u sleep n sleep,try different things on one fine morning..."hey,maybe i can try this", "how about this"..."will i earn enough?"...."will i be able to take care of myself,cos i dn't want to bother my father,whose duty speaks volume,yet u want to do somethin?"....u have survived enough...y not this???

there's no reluctance....n i'm not hesitating...n when the opportunities come,it just goes away without sayin good bye or even have the courtesy to ask u,"hey anjalika,sorry not this time...i apologise...hope u'll do fine...here's wishin u good luck"...i get to hear tht from people, but why is the deed(job) ignoring u....dsn't She have to say anythin about it....

it's a phase where i'm not just growing up,but also maturing from the more or less matured phase tht we all have pass through,which comes right after u r teens...i'm 23...way old enough to drive,vote,drink,go to 'The' parties,i can take my stand n make my decisions....so far,all of it has been done,thoroughly n i have also managed to achieve it and execute it....but there are still so many other things tht r still untouched...u r ready to go for it,but IT dsn't wanna say hello to u....it's more like i've yet to explore more on my own n also about me...

self-exploration is still hanging,but i'm unable to save it.....
tht's when u rely on ur career, n also try to establish ur relationship...but i have none...although it dsn't bother me at all when it comes to the latter...but my talent, my creativity my ability to work, just fades away with just one call.....n then i just sleep n sleep n sleep...

there goes the slumber,indefinately....n tht's unstoppable till i don't get myself together,which is the hardest thing...

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the road

2008-02-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

alone he walks,
on the new road.
he swings his hand,
and taps himself.

dim-street lights,
the mosquitoes bite
and the barking dogs.

he is thinking
what the road can hold,
but the distance can't.....

======================= ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i erased the safety "pin"

2008-01-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

ATTACHMENT...u know it,all of u,wat it is to be attached to a person or vice-versa....it's a nice feelin...maked u feel loved and definately avoids the feeling of lobeliness....

my point of view.......attachment is like this safety pin pains bleedingly when pushed through ur skin....tht's precisely the reason y i neither let anyone get attched to me and the other way round too....i know i have been sulking,thnks to the "loneliness" tht invaded into me, and still does...tht's wat the poem was about prior to this one...(look below)....i'm glad i wrote tht,it did help me express certain intangible feeling tht would have been impossible to get rid of...but it has wanned....i remember in one of my phone conversation with my boss,who is infact a well-known director (i refuse to name him),told me tht everyone here is alone,eventhough loneliness hurts a lot...ofcourse he did give me some "nice" tips to ge rid of it....but u know wat sir,i'm not in the sulking phase anymore...i'm extremely happy with "this"....cos i manged to get the "safety-pin" off me.....

I remember seeing this film yester night where this woman has dogs to give her company instead of getting entangled in the issue of marriage…I’m not really sure what guys do to maintain their loneliness when they r in love with it…probably play along with their gadgets…whatever…

I like to run (I know I have already mentioned tht)…not tht I’m an athlete..i don’t even have tht kind of stamina…but whenever I set myself on those rough n stony tracks,all ready to push through the chilly breeze(as for today,delhi is still chilly)…today,after weeks,i set myself again-RUN, (can’t understand y I take long breaks…probably to avoid the tedium…cos it is something tht distresses me instantly)….and while running,after I had completed four rounds sans breaks,n when I was in the middle of my fifth,my last round for today, I had these figures behind me—chasing,running after me,trying to get hold of me.. or was it me? Half way left to conclude my last round,I could see all those figures coming more n more closer to me..n then,I just increased my speed…I could feel my heart thumping n my breadth quickned..i was actually sprinting..not to finish the run,but to get rid of wat was behind me…it was haunting to see them tryin to space up with me….n then I ran…as fast as I can..i wasn’t tired anymore…n suddenly,I saw those figures slowly lagging behind me,n there I saw them hooked to a tree…all were motionless,except for me….my folks,my friends,my associates including the person tht I look upto whom I’m working for…all were still…not an inch moved….the last stop n I stopped running too…I was panting for breadth,but I didn’t look behind (for the human figures)..i know they were my self-created illusions…but I was thrilled to grab the air of victory…I outdid them,their attachments….

I know tht’s being very mean…but it also accounts to pain…..

the anxious loner

2007-12-28T00:39:00.000-08:00

eyes to eyes
when mine sees another,
fear brims itself
for the sake of only I.

it was all I,
when it looks up
and the other
gives up..

and i -the vagrant
just wonder around
and sulk within.................

just writting!!!

2007-12-25T09:05:00.000-08:00

whenever i travel by the metro...i just have a feeling as if i might just collapse,eventhough i have been brave enough till now...while i sit next to a stranger,i wish i could just lay my head on the shoulder.no matter who it is n without havin to feel awkward about it...

whenever i walk...i just get this a sudden rush within me which makes me weak..n all i want to do is fall down on my knees n scream out loud.....not really a cry...but just lettin out everythin tht i have been holding up for every reason n for a very very long time...

when i stand....n try not to look at anyone...to which i stick to...i can feel being stripped naked n cut to pieces,eventhough there's no sight of blood n i can't feel the pain...but i do feel somethin...unaware of wat it is...it's like a part of me has died..but y is it tht i can't cry....i dn't want to,but i know i need to just to cut loose of all the rough edges tht have built up inside me makin it impossible for me to reveal n let it out....

tht's all i want to write...this would probably last for days,eventhough it's just a piece of writting!!

PEST...sunday aches!

2007-12-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

believe me when i say tht...."PEST..sunday aches"....it's surely is!!!!!

when the thought of the sunday comes,we think of a holiday...a bloody good break from the work pressure,college chaos, a short vaccation from all those gossip mongers...basically,to get ur true piece of peace of mind....but when,sunday really hits it's day...it's BUGGING!!!!

the reason we love sunday is because we love to sleep for the longest time,longer than what we ususally do for the rest of the days...i'm no less....eventhough,my sleep schedule on a daily basis(including all the sundays),is to sleep not before 2-3 am,and inspite of tht,i somehow,manage to wake up anywhere between 6.30-7.30 am...

today, i woke up really late....2.30 pm......say,3pm....thoda sa stretch and angadaiyee(unable to spell tht n can't remember the english translation for it)….i was up,pretty much before,but there was this thing forming infront of me,it’s vague but I somehow,was enjoying every bit of tht imagination…u know,it sometimes happens tht something just goes on (probably the mind does it all)…it’s like a dream forming with ur eyes open without u wishing for it…n it just goes on developing..tempting u to be more curious as to what it might lead to…but it never does,but u just lie there,eyes open but still in sleep….i think,the whole wishful process must have glued me to it…bribed my awareness,probably for an hour or two…..luckily,there was no money transaction made for it…no selling,no purchase…absolutely free and no charge for it…wat is tht the legal term has it-PRO BONO,DARLINGS!!

3pm it was,I finished reading my Sunday papers…nothing much to read,except for the asian age’s supplement which is for book lovers….it was more fun to read tht one before than it publishes now….it’s become really boring….it’s become,not everyone’s but the money’s paper….the part tht I enjoyed the most while flipping through those pages,was my coffee….it always uplifts my mood…I call it my work up appetite….it accompanies me at any time and any kind of a mood tht I’m in….all it needs is to be prepared in a particular manner…black strong coffee with very lil sugar and a spoon of honey….n it’ll be the best thing to happen….now the whole coffee thing is getting too much…kya karoon,coffee ko apnaa dost maanliyaa,toh uski aachee introduction toh karoongee na….

Then I watched films,just two of them….300 and blood diamond…both were good in their own manner…no discrimination,cos it fulfilled its purpose,tht is to entertain us…n I was havin fun watchin it,which is rare with most of the Hollywood films leavin out few…no wonder I prefer foreign ones and humaraa mahabhartiya films,so called bollywood..oops,sorry-hindi film fraternity people don’t like tht term….but they r so fucking wrong about it…it should be bollywood only,cos the biggies hardly respect the regional ones and most of the filmmakers,then y do they categorise it universally when they enjoy playin the role of being the film racists…well,tht’s bit of a conundrum here…right!! Ripping every deserving opportunity to pieces…like,confscicating ur choice to be another,unwillingly!!

5.30pm….as wat I usually do…went out for a jog…I really love this..not bcos im a fitness freak or anything…but,I just love to run,u could say tht I sue the term “fitness” as a form of an excuse..it might sound weirdly funny to u all,but if I were to be a criminal,the best thing tht I would love about myself would not be stealing,murdering or anything tht actually defines it…but,wat I would really like about it would be tht I would be running,from everything to everywhere..to hide,or to get away from something or to struggle myself out to escape….i would always be running and tht would be it…just,run n run n run,endlessly….not bcos I want to get away from something,or I’m in a hurry,or I want to achieve something…I just love the feeling of running. The heartbeat racing, the breadth would quicken….panting and thirsty…but there’s no stopping…I won’t stop…even if I do physically, but mentally,it would just go on…

anyhow, I do have a short story which is regarding my fascination for the RUN! LOL
but,I wouldn’t jot it down today…perhaps,some other time…..

it’s 8.30 pm,gotta hit the shower…have my dinner-dal chawal…cooked it on my own…n probably,see another Hollywood film…it’s called, PLATOON (oliver stone’s)…
take care…adios!!

what's there.............

2007-11-28T22:02:00.000-08:00

right now,i'm sitting at the cyber cafe trying to write my point of view of how fucked up my mind can get...i dn't mean how i behave n treat others whiche requires me to overlook at what other's have to say about....i care a damn for tht....

i dn't know how far i can write about what i feel about my MIND...there's lot of noise, i am not too comfortable writting about myself..[as u must have seen in most of my blogs...it's always in a disguise...the poetry form....call me another bobby long..though he manages to come out,i dn't know if i will...but i'm reluctant to do so..cos i'm happy n satisfied "strangled" within myself...

i might just write another version of this...which might be a darker form of the stuff tht i'm writting to u now....i can't even guarantee if at all i'll writting about the mind,n how conflicting it can get with u alone....i think it is somethin tht one should be afraid of than anything else....it gives a wider picture of everythin nd anythin whoch can be really hard to avoid....

in some corner of my heart,it's not just because i want to write anythin at all,no matter how gibbersih it sounds,but i'm doing this because i have made a semi-promise to someone tht i will write somethin cos he enjoyed reading whatever i have write and it's time i should try n be more candid about myself....Mr. K (i dn't want to reveal the name...u r like the treasure tht i have found like Dante from Monte Cristo...n i'm a selfish person who isn't ready to share this with anyone....it's a crazy form of selfishness tht i have pssessed n i have no regrets of being one....lol)

for tht phone call n what u have offered to me,along with some great advice,i knew i owed u somethin,esp after tht night when i talked so stupidly,half-drunked, n u let me spoke inspite of it....this is what i have written(just random stuff) as a note of gratitude to u...

i know it's been so long since i have visited my own blog n actually cared to write somethin...i just don't know what happened to me....i wanted to run away from everythin...underwent depression...stirred paranoia within my system....everythin went wrong n i could have written it down here...but the minute i tried,whenever i could,it just didn't work out...it became more n more uneasy for me....

now uneasiness is landing again....so before i give up on my patience to write somethin..i think i can share a dream with u all tht i get often...the only thing i'm scared of....jesus on the cross.....

weird right!!!

yes,i am scared of him...i dn't think the fear exists....i tried to fight with it...there are remanants of it,but i know it'll gradually go....the fear will soon wan...

but the dream......

everynight,almost infact, i used to get this picture of him...i can't say if it's a dream...u could say what i imagined it to be....

i'll share one incident with u all...

months ago, there was this time at 2 in the night(i hate sleeping early...but i wake up early too..lol) i was reading my book..can't remember which one..i think it was bob dylan's chronicle....whatever......

i used to imagine hearing some kind of roar with amix of yell n heavy n painfull cry coming out of my kitchen....i wouldn't even dare to get back..with just a lil turn of my head, i would see a huge cross (say 30-40ft) with jesus on it....all wet,his hair and a lil piece of cloth covering his waist in a tattered conditiong...almost torn....the whole picture of this would be in a scary colour format tht would make it hrd for u to breathe..a mix of dirty yellow,darkest form of grey n goldenish dark green..probably a linning of it....the whole colour impact had a sense of claustrophobic ambience to it....n there i can see him with his eyes closed as the cross drags itself out of the kitchen and it's raining massively on it....n suddenly the eyes open with the speed of the seconds' hand of the clock...just the way it goes..tick-tick....n he 's yelling at me in anger n disgust with every molecule of his body n system charging with tht sound of tht pain of revenge.....

i used to get the same thing in my dreams..infact,the only thing tht came...i never had any dreams....i remember how it used to make it impossible for me to get up while i watch him being nailed....the close-up of the nail going through it....i never could get up...the minute i hear the thud n lil cry of pain and before it gets aggravated, i would just fight with my dream to just wake up before i see anything worse happening.....n then i'm out of breadth and motionless on the bed while i try n stare out of my window only to revive my senses n my state of being tht i'm out of tht horrible sight....

but now it's gone....the dream,the fear..the imagination....everything has gone....i'm really happy to see tht,but i'm not completely happy without it...i dn't know y.....whenever somethin wrong happens to u,don't u think u feel tht u r better off with it than living like most of the individuals do....tht dream sort of outstood my being alone,i quite liked it though i hated the way i used to get paranoid about it....now i feel tht there's somethin tht i really miss about myself....

anyhow,i think i should take leave...it's become a bit too much now....infact,i'm really happy tht i wrote somethin....a nice form of self-transition after talkin to Mr. K....thnk u.....

[hey...this doesn't mean i have stopped writting poems....i have one ready...but i won't post tht now....LATER]

"OUR's?"..is stranded in isolation

2007-07-26T09:27:00.001-07:00

i wish i knew
what you had come for;
i wish i knew
what i wanted the most.

things are not fitting,
words are not yet settled.

there's fire between us,
but it remains cold.
there's breeze around us,
alas, my skin is all dried up.

you complain,
"the place is too lonely!"
and i brag about it being,
"too overcrowded."

there's no sugar in your coffee,
and i'd wished for many more.

i wish i knew
what you would come for.
i wish i knew
what Exactly i wanted the most.

the ambit of inhumanity

2007-05-01T05:26:00.000-07:00

i dn't want to go in details as to what the poem signify...i think it can easily be understood....in short,if i have to say something...it's the reprucussion to what the man is facing after he himself has opened the "pandora box" for his greed...n now see what the world has turned into because of him.....here "world" is india after all the riots and crime under the name of religion and the govt's role in it...and other ill deeds,not neccessarily related to riots...

glory!!......whorey!!
this country wants to maintain
it's Holy...

don't buy me that,
i'm in debts.
i take the rest,
and pay it with gradual death.

whom do we succumb to
for our misfortunes,
wasn't there anyone else to lavish us
with pretentious attention?

life around us swallowed;
and a book of melancholy preambles
by the school of dancing devils
go on fluttering in a man's disguise.

authorities in cavity
boorish and lot of muck.
no escape, no surrender
just fight with dishonesty.

glory!!...whorey!!
the country still maintains
it's Holy!!!!!!!

mein ek udtaa panchi

2007-04-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

It was a week ago, I received a notice to vacate the place that I have been staying in for the last one year. Yup, I’m on the move again, for the sixth time in five years; but, unlike before, it is for the first time that I’m not too upset about it. From Copernicus Marg to Rani Bagh; from Karol Bagh to Malka Ganj, and finally at Rohini, and also staying at my friends’ places for a short span of time in each places at Vasant Kunj, Panchkuian Road, Janakpuri, Hauz Khas, till I could find a place to stay. But now, after spending a good one-year at this recent one at Rohini, partly chased by the lizards in my apartment, I gotta shift again. All this and a lot of traveling, helped me know a lot more about Delhi and about myself too. I, now, know the deepest part of city, excluding some areas..

Today, I see all this from an optimistic angle: “Another place to explore”….

Initially, I did get upset about shifting, but then I remembered seeing Pather Panchali, and there was this line in the film : “Everyone should make a move once in a while. Staying in one place makes you mean.”

The only screwed part of moving out is packing and meeting new people. I’m bad with socialising because I’m more of a reclusive kind, and I can’t interact openly. I just, sort of, get a bit awkward about meeting strangers and new people; call it xenophobia+ claustrophobia. The latter because, I hate to get stuck with gasbags. There’s always a chance, that you land with a never ending conversations with people around at a new place. I get so suffocated by it, and my ears get so tired, because I get myself landed in a conversation that absolutely makes no sense to me. That’s why I hate shifting…
New place; New people; and a lot of non-stop talk and inquiries…

I’m almost done with my writing, yet, I can see, it has changed so tremendously. It’s getting sicker day by day. It’s like, as if my hands are wrapped with something tht’s itchy and irritating, and I’m incapable to write. It’s like I’m losing out to myself and unable to communicate with what I want, in spite lot of things swimming in my head.

The water is filled to its brim, but it’s not flowing out….i feel so much more convenient writing poetry than writing journals, and I tried to, but couldn’t. My patience has gone haywire, and while I was reading “Age of Kali” by William Dalrymple, I just felt tempted to write about my section of traveling within the city. No doubt, the author has done a good job on this one. He knows so much. I quiet like the book too.

Anyhow, wish me luck with a new place. I hope to find it soon on a short notice. Barely got 10 days to find one.

The reason for the title is because of this song I was listening to, which is Bhor by Indian Ocean. It is a song about a bird’s flight, a Sufi’s journey. I know, the song is not wholly apt for my moving around. But it’s not just moving around for me; it has also become a part of journey that has helped me become morally stronger and more patient, without much support.

Bhor bhor bhor bhai,
Ek udta panchi…

Ja baitha ik daal,
Ja baitha ik daal.
Ja baitha ik daal,
Ja baitha ik daal

Bhor bhor bhor bhai,
Ek udta panchi…

no cats incest,but definately poetic!!!

2007-03-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

hey guys, i know it's been really really really long since i have updated my blog, n guess wat?? i still can't promise if i can stick around like before,even after writting this post.....lol

anyhow,i wrote this poem in a peculliar situation when i was sitting and waiting in the studio at panchsheel park, for the person to do his voice over for our show (at present,i'm working with a tv company), and there were these two cats f**king each other(sorry,i dn't want to sound rude with this natural act..just tht i can't find the apt word for it), and the owner of the studio comes over to say hello to me and catches me red handedly gazing at them (not tht i was curious,but bcos it was so odd...it was happening infront of me, n i had no option to go someplace else...it was sort of embarassin,until the owner cracked a lil joke)..n the joke helped me write some lines,which i'll be sharing with you all...

joke??

The cats were brother and sister...but surprisingly and fortunately, there’s nothing as "incest" problem to deal, with amongst the animals. Imagine if the analysis was diverted….wud the film, “Oldboy”, be called as “Old CAT”?……hmmmm!!!!

Anyhow, let’s not dive into the inversely proportion to sane thoughts…enjoy my first take on, sort of, humorous and a short poem, with the cats doing strange acts of intimacy for us…or for our sake of entertainment, inspite of being outlandish and pretty odd…

Cats cuddling,
thoughts puddling,
while we sit and gaze…………
And the sofa suffices,

the remaining SURPRISES!!!!

what a day would it be,if....

2006-09-09T15:56:00.001-07:00

"who's to say what's impossible?
well,they forget this world keeps spinning,
and with each new day
i can feel a change in everythin."-jack johnson [curious george:upside down]

coincidentally,this is wat i'm listenin to while i gather all my sense after gulpin down my first earned wine....thnkfully,i ain't tht drunked,else i wud have been jottin down rubbish,n tht wud make no sense to u at all....god,it woould be one of the most preposterous post ever written by me...though,nthin is new about tht one,cos u all have been a victim of my mysterious n perplexin posts n poems....lol

what a day would it be,if i had my way of livin it...hahahahaa.......there u go,i have managed to confuse u again.....i apologise...alright,wat i will do is give one or two egs of wat i'm tryin to procure out of wat i have been insistin on...first is ofcourse,wat i had written in my previous post about the conversation with the strangers n on absolutely anyhtin random,or not quite genuine sort...

another one would be.....here it goes.........

u know,whenever i travel by a riksha,on the street of Delhi University in the North Campus,early in the mornin...say about 8am,headin twds my chinese class,n if i manage to see a decent lookin guy in a riksha as well,with a guitar on his side...all i feel like doin is,say it aloud to him to play me smthin,with an excuse tht it's my bday....n he would,willingly n with a smile,play me wat i want...

i would request for Mr. Big's "to be with u"....n while we r still travellin by riskha,with a lil distance accompanyin us in between,he would play me a song....ofc,later on,if i tell him the truth about lyin to him about the bday excuse,he would jst wave back sayin,"it dsn't matter,as long as i'm enjoyin n i have love for music,n tht's wat i did...string my guitar n play u ur song."...

wow,wasn't tht smthin...quite an imagination...i mean it's nthin big to u all,but isn't tht nice n smthin to remember n cherish for long,if it would happened with u...it would..to me, if it had happened to me...n i only wish,if it can.....

:)

at this point of time......

2006-08-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

at this point of time....i sit with the first cigarette of today's, in my mouth...drink second cup of black tea,n watch "coffee n cigarette" for the 2nd time,while i wait for the whistle to blow to tell me tht the rice is done.....

i have been workin really hard for the last couple of weeks on this rock show tht my company,AIM Television,is working on...n my chinese thing is goin on fine as well....but after all this,all i wanted was a good sunday...let alone a good one...i cudn't even manage to get my long sleep..thnks to the door bell,n the phone calls,n later my maid servant knocks in to clean.....

there have been good news rinign in my ear,but it dsn't take more than a minute or two to let someone ruin ur mood with their abruptness and strange mannerisms and words towards u.....

today,i wanted to talk to someone.....i mean...a lil bit of being in touch with smthin tht is known as human being "touch"...u know like,stayin in touch n lots of words comin through the air,n smthin to laugh at....it's been a decade since i had a chance to do smthin like tht....cos when i cm home,i'm all by myself...no one around to talk to.....not tht i'm complainin....i'm very hpy stayin alone...nthin is btr than havin my privacy(no euphemism required,plez...lol).....

what i want is a laid back life for sometime,n relax...rather than go out for small excurssions,what we normally do with our friends like goin to the movies,have lavish lunch,chat over absolutely nthin imp over a cup of coffee or the most fav thing to do-shoppin....all of this is so materialistc,n it dsn't liaise with my point of seeing how i want to socialise.....sounds confusin....n maybe,a series of preposterous words comin out of me n on to this computer screen.......hahahaha

while i sit n watch this film,"coffee n cig",i sometime think,why isn't life jst like tht...not consumin the chemicals,but givin relevance to smthin small,which can be significant....coffee and cigs are smthin tht are so small in nature n so simple..there's no complication or confusin as to how to drink or make coffee or light a cig,yet ppl use them so lavishly...lavishly as in smthin u can rem too,n not forget to do it often.....funny,right...but it's true.....

i wish coversation or meetin someone would be as simple as drinkin ur coffee or smokin a cig.....

i wish someone could be there to talk about anythin from dyaln to the dutch,from games to guns.....

simple but memorable conversation,without expectin anythin big to happen......

the whistle blows,n i'm hungry......it's lunch time,n the movie finishes too.....

zaijian

long time....it's 30th july...eeks!!????phew!!!

2006-07-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

yeah i finally made it to the blog era,and after decades....lol

my internet got fucked..the lan card got ripped off it's reliability...n i too got screwed with time,n left no place for my patience to take over.....

a lot of things took place durin the time my home internet shut down temporarily....my close frnds,megha n netra,r not here in delhi anymore....they have left for mumbai for their post grad at Xavier's....lucky girls...
i wish them all the best....

delhi had it's share of everythin at one go...nice breeze n humidity.....sunshine n heavy pour...it was all done for good n for worse,n left us all wonderin wat Nature was upto....some sort of gambling with it's moods...hahahahaha

as for my case...i was in no mood to pursue my post grad this year...cos i didn't want to end up with a carrer in hand,which wud go on for long,leavin me with no time for my other interests...no way....my first priority before i settle down to a job is to travel n learn new things ....as for now,i'm learnin chineese and working with this production house called "AIM Television",with mr. Iqbal Malhotra....the best part about this place is tht i get to work with people who have no air,in spite of them workin more than a year,n nobody tried to pull my leg too or ignored my prospects to work in the same working area on my first day n the first week....n secondly,the ambience is gr8...amiable n sweet people.....

chal man,i can't remember other things tht wud be relevant enough to be jotted down in this post,rightaway...so till the time i try to recall them,u guys can have a good look at this one,before i,unknowingly,go for another big break.....which i will try no to repeat....right now,i'm all set for this film tht i purchased few days ago..n sunday is the only time i get to watch films n sleep....cos the rest of the days i'm busy with my language course n the working....everyday at 6 i get up for my class which goes on till 12....n then i work which goes on till 8.......so it's like 14hrs tht i spend outside my house,n when i cm back..i have my dinner..read a bit,n dose off...so sunday is my only saviour....

gotta go!!!!!!

lv ya all
anjalika
:)

tagged:prmod i'm gonna get ya

2006-06-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

well,i'm tagged.....
ONCE AGAIN....

thnks to prmod...but yes,he was right about the tag...it is pretty interstin...

weird stuff about myself...wat's weirder than the person itself like me....
hahahahaha

ok..here it goes..
six of my favorite weird time pass......sorry,habits!!!

1) SILENT ANGERISM-not sure if the term was right....but it is the worst of all that i have in me...it dsn't give me any complex,but it does to those sittin with me....when i'm irritated,fucked up, n my brain starts contricting....u know like tht line from the song "hey u" by floyd..."and the worm ate into his brain"....just like tht.....but it's not just the worm..it's bigger than that...
n i remain silent,not bcos i'm tolerant....but bcos,it's me yellin inside to shut everyone up....yet,i remiain silent...n the way i start gazin at them,makes them feel quite uncomfortable...but i have no problems with my silent angerism....cos i'm comfortably numb...hahahaha

2)BOOKS N MUSIC-give it to me any time of the day,and u'll not hear a word from my mouth....which happens quite often,cos eveythin besides books n music,bores me to death...everythin...

3)MOVIES' FREAK-oh,u bet....i'm a movie freak...challenge me for 24/7...n u'll see it for urself...
anythin wud do...anythin tht'sinterstin or it should be accordin to my mood.....i can see not just hindi/eng...but the others too.....from melodramatic to action..though comedy is my fav...from family drama to horror....anythin,pal...ANYTHING...

4)INSOMNIC-if i want,i can end up not sleepin for three days continuously..n on the fourth day give me just 3 hrs of sleep...n then i'll be jumpin again n wn't sleep for another three days..tht's me...

5)SLEEPING PEST-if i'm a total insomnic,then i have an equal fetish for sleepin too......n i can compete for the longest hrs of sleep as well.....it's the best way of gettin rid of boredom...but i normally avoid sleepin really long...cos i believe time is flyin....n it flies even at the snap of ur finger....but i have already slept four times continoursly at a stretch of min 16-18 hrs n max 20 -22...really.....my mom freaked out too,when i did it after i returned home from my boarding school...

6)BOREDOM-oh,i say tht all the time,even if i'm not.....the minute i'm about to say smthin after a hiatus of muteness,there's commotion amongst my frnds over a bet that they have made about the prediction of the word "i'm bored",comin frm my mouth...u can ask milo n mirage...

so here u r...u got my list of weird activities tht i indulge into....n here are those to whom i'm goin to infect them with...

1)mirage
2)milo
3)camera shy
4)raghav
5)rohit
6)miz

i know it's contagious.....if u find any cure to it....plez do share it with me......i hate these tags too....
til then take care of urself...

hahahahahahaha

wonderland

2006-05-22T00:58:00.000-07:00

the night was awake,
morning was the wonderland,
had nothing,
but some laughs..

sprinkled silver and envy's Colour,
drained into my blood,
and my eyes were all red,
and so i laughed and laughed..

evening came,
still self infused.
with friend at a friend's,
ectasy welcomed me..

one more dose,
sprinkled silver and envy's Colour,
draining into my blood,
making my eyes go red again..

people came over,
not one turned.
all were silent,
but one stroked me down..

i had my dose again,
sprinkled silver and envy's Colour,
drain into my blood,
but the eyes are lifeless..

the song yelled in me,
but i saw a dream.
my hands swam across the hair,
and those eyes starved me..

back home,
still untouched.
wouldn't let it down,
till i let myself flow through it..

give me more,
sprinkled silver and envy's Colour,
let it drain into my blood,
and let my eyes laugh...........................

flower that reeked

2006-05-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

my! oh my,
dn't get me so high,
for they wn't fly.
and the tears that i cry,
will run dry..
my! oh my..............

love ain't so far,
but these hands are small.
talking dsn't help,
and the solutions melt..

the moon is above my head,
but i can feel the sweat.
the sun is scorching,
and the heart freeze up..

drinks are stalked,
books in hand,
eyeing the collection,
all ears to music..

amplified,
everything is amplifying,
bit by bit..
little by little..

reeked perfume,
stained flower.
people with salt in hand,
will sprinkle at any open wound...

faces are mask,
anger and despair!!
everywhere,
it's everywhere!!!

people talk,
love and despise!!
pointless,
it's pointless!!!

it's nothing,
yet we r celebrating............

it's fleeting,
to another beginning....

my! oh my,
dn't get me so high,
for they wn't fly.
and the tears that i cry,
will just run dry....
my! oh my...

MY! OH MY..............

ONLY WHEN I LAUGH

2006-05-04T03:44:00.000-07:00

i know it's been long.....but it's always btr off to be left unsaid,rather than get my grey matter stuck out in fleeting manner and ask for an apology,cos i'm in no mood to be in a position to give any sort of unkind clarifications to my trait.....

today i saw this film with the same title,for the first time,and for no rhyme n reason,n definately no connection at all to this post,i chose this one....

good film.....

it's the 2nd week,since i left delhi,n have been livin with my mother here,at my hometown in jammu....

nothin much has been happenin around except frm the non-domestic fronts...i mean the news frm anywhere but my surroundings....

a lot has been happenin around the globe,specifically in india...taliban kills an indian,mahajan dies...russia is still in the era of racisim while doda (jammu) and Vadodara leave no stone unturned to add their name in the list of massacre....

whatever.........

oh..yes,i forgot....i stated working with the Doordarshan here,to get my certificate especially for the term tht my college foes..(sry,havn't graduated yet...gotta play the role of a democrat)...for the college authorities..to get the certificate only for the time period that they infused us with, else Timur would recreate history and beahead us while we wait for a miracle....

oh,i have another thing to share....a little amusing though,but sometimes it makes it uncomfortable thinkin of the thought tht might arise within us..

call it an alter ego's curosities...

whenever i make tea for my mother in the evening, when she comes back from work to the house which is rested on the ground floor,i am confronted by this noise of unquenching desire accompanied with other sound of objects that gets disturbed in the course of this action that takes place above the roof of my house....(well,we live in an appartment)

what an evening.....n so shall tea be made to raise in the honour of those living above my head who care to provide some noisy entertainment enjoyed by me n the alter ego, that everyone surely has,by making us laugh......

wudn't u do the same tht i did?

surley u will,by making some excuse not lettin ur moma enter the kitchen n make tea.....

hahahahahaha

let's end this post with a line from film "only when i laugh"..

Let me sleep on the sofa. I love sleeping on the sofa. Beds are too big when you're alone

BEEN!! (nthin appropriate)?

2006-04-20T02:27:00.000-07:00

hahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaha

god,i just can't believe that i actually managed to confuse u all with my previous post....n guess wat...i feel so proud of it...really....lol

but on the other side,i must apologise too for doin so......cos ultimately,for some it can be really pissin off sort when you get to read smthin totally puzzling.....

but i jst cn't stop laughing.....

anyhow,these days..i have been listenin to a lot of sufi rock....two to three days ago,i bought "infinti" by Salman Ahmad (guitarist of Junoon) and Kailash Kher's "deewaane"....both were good...n in the morning i was listenin to junoon...
junnon......wat can i say about them....they just too good....

day before yday,i ended up watchin "cinema paradiso" for the second time....wat a film...must say Guiussepe Tornetor has done a good job, and so did the kid who has played the role of the protagonist's childhood in the film....very nice...

today i will be watchin al pacino's "and the justice for all" and a documentary...i'm jin the mood for docs.....i have two docs-sigmund freud and woodstock...let's see which one will i end up watchin....

right now,i'm listenin to Steeley Dan...
"babylon sisterssssss....shake it"

my..wat a coincidence with the letter "S"....

Sufi rock...
Spanish film (cinema paradiso)
Steeley dan
Sigmund freud
Summer
and a Surprise.....
i'm finally goin home tommorrow after 8 months......

finally.....finally.....finally

chal i will wind up now,u all take care..n yes,i promise not to confuse u all any more......n no more brain dumpin post....lol

ADIEUS!!!

what do i think?? !!!!!!!!! :)

2006-04-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

hmmm...what do i think...

as in...

regardin any field....
u wudn't know..cos it's too confusin to understand someone's brain like mine,cos i'm too ambivalent about my issues n,especially, what are my thoughts n views about it....

for example,in another month's time,i will be done with my graduation in journalism (hons),n have already finished with my photgraphy course as well...oh..yes,in another week,there will be a photo exhibition too...but guess wat,the dates fluctuates too,tht too, quite often....too often in fact.....

dn't ask me y...cos only my ambivalence wud answer tht,smthin tht my senses wudn't prefer to do so...u know...sanity thinks she's much btr than being different amongst the others in order to live life the way everyone in this world lives,to which i opose...hahahahaha

one such issue is tht,as it is,i have already announced the end of my graduation,i havn't yet decided on wat i want to do....i'm really interested in filmmakin n pursue photography,but i cannot leave behind my love for writtin...na,i cn't.....i've just got so used to it....

but doin post graduation,right after graduation,wn't help either...until n unless i do internship in different fields,i wud nevr know wat i want to do....

n also,i despearately need a break...i have been runnin like shit everywhere,sometimes to achieve somthin...and sometimes in order to get rid of wat i despise.....

it's been goin on for quite sometime,n it will go on....but with a break..it wud help subside it...n if it does tht much of help to me,then y wudn't i like to take it...let alone takin,y wudn't i be intersted in experimentin with it....u know like,when a scientist invents smthin,he first tires it on himself...be it harmful or benefitting....

when i told my dad about the idea of takin a break,ofc not to sit idle...but concentrate on the practical work of course:journalism,try explorin more on my love for filmmakin n photography,n also to pick up a language....hearin this,papa was cool about it,but it did piss my mom off,n it will continue till i dn't drop my name off to any of the college for post graduation...lol

10 mins ago,we had our 7 fight over this topic on the phone,but alas..it was of no use...i was irritatingly stubborn and also, happily,wish to remain the duck's back.....mom,ofc is still blazin....but u cn't expect everyone to understand u...so i dn't mind at all with wat she is thinkin of me at present,n sure enough,i dn't mind if she is,at the moment,thinkin of spankin me,left-right and real hard...cos she is liable to think like tht,cos she is my mom...i have no issues with tht...but yes,i wudn't withdraw my effort in convincin....

u think i wud drop tht????

ha!!!!u must be crazy.....

u think i wasted my whole life debatin for zilch...no.....debates helped me runnin with a brain and verbal skill of how to prove a point n drive it to ur side......if nthin,i wud have been runnin like a crazy chicken with a head cut off....

hmmm.....what do i think

repeatition dsn't fit into the bill,n confusion leads to battle,n tht's another way of wastin ur energy for nothin...cos it nvr helps u to come to a conclusion...

hmmmm....
u still wanna know wat i think..
as in...
in context to wat field..or any other....

u crazy...tht will lead to more confusion...

save ur patince for tht...u might need tht when u confront ur spouse when not neccesarily...cos some lack space...n some may lack stability of their senses....

no wonder they r so sane...n we r so insane....

hmmm....
u still curious to wat i think...

enough man....

"and the worm ate into his brain" [floyd].........................................

let's have some water now!!!!!!

THE FOOT AND THE DRIED LEAVES

2006-04-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

ok..i dn't know y i chose tht title for this post,"THE FOOT AND THE DRIED LEAVES"....i kinda liked it when i posted the pics before publishin it,in the "create" box.

somehow,i found it pretty appealin to me,though it's a lil strange way of portrayin it...

probably some of u wudn't understand the idea behind it,cos i have no intetnion of tht too...of lightinin a bulb in ur head,cos it nvr happened to me...lol....

jst thought of fusin them in this way....

[by the way,tht foot isn't mine....it's my frnd's boyfrnd's.......i found it pretty interstin the way his foot looked with all tht veins making a diagramatic sketch on it....n so i clicked it....though,my frnd,she found it pretty amusin,but her boyfrnd definately felt, threatingly, embarassed...]

2nd April' 06

2006-04-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

it's morning...though not so early....

no water to drink,n quenchin my thirst with coke....smthin tht i can tolearate only occasionally...

sunday...so time for readin papers....lots of them....
i jst finished readin about this travel spot in Brunch....this time they had featured about the bridge in sydney,on which people climb for adventure,but our dear writer made it less interestin.....it was more like labourers climbin to see how much work they had put in makin it,though the writer has nothin to do with the buildin of tht bridge...

a lil sleepy now......but today is goin to be a busy day for me.

i have been invited for lunch at Sakshi's place,cos in another 2 days,it'll be her bday...i wish her all the happiness.....she is one of the new frnds tht i had made last week..

oh..yes...i forgot
by the way,
i made some new frnds from Delhi College of Engineering....
nice people n someone with whom i can share my love for books,music n movies....

i was gettin really bored n missed my close pals-megha,milo,netra n bhajji...but all of them are busy,n they stay really far...but i also believe in givin them space ....so i wudn't like to foist them to live with me,if i get bored...i just wish,we cud all get time to meet each other,after we r done with graduation....i dn't want their absence to dwell like this,for long...
anyways, i'm happy i met new people.....but tht dsn't mean tht i wud abandon my friendhship with my old pals..they will always be close to me...

picked up some new stuff in movies n music....

yday i saw "love song for bobby long"---
i loved the film...i really did...very simple yet very grabbin ...i jst fell in love with it...

today,i'll be seeing "red,white n blue",for the second time...i borrowed the cd frm my newly made frnds...n god wat collection of books n movies they have....

right now i'm listenin to best of hendrix...."purple haze" is on....n it's drivin me insane at the moment.....
i recently picked up the gr8test collection of led zeplin......

well...tht's all i have for today....nthin much though...but i assumed tht the pic tht i had featured in the blog,has been liked by a lot of people...n got to read lot of beautiful comments,as well...

thnk u

MooNLigHT dRIvE......

2006-03-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

one of my favorites...

i clicked it on the night of Holi...

"let's swim to the moon....aha
let's fly to the tide............ aha"

..................................................................

finally....

2006-03-14T13:07:00.001-08:00

oh..yes...finally the end of sabbatical days of torture....i mean the project work...it's worse than preparing for the xamination...

one whole month,all of us, the third year batch of journalsim hons, was busy with the project....and oh..boy..tht whole month was smthin...

less sleep,no relaxation,no hunger....n all tensed up due to less of time to finish the work...and all thnks to our less concerned head of the dept...sry,cn't reveal the name....cos i have been told that sometimes teachers do log on to others' blog,to get some secret out...hahahahaha

nice...another one into the james bond act....sadly,it's a cheap task initiated here by our spy masters in disguise....

continuously,sittin infront of the computer made me lose my sleep and apetite...imagine working at the cost of my sleeping hrs...oh,i so bloody miss it...my favorite ....

i started bloatin as well,not bcos of eating...i hardly ate anythin...no one to cook for me u see....but sittin there infront of the computer for long hrs,n no workout..well,u can imagine what it can lead to...laziness to workout..or even run on the treadmill..

today it was the day of submittin our project....n guess what..our teacher didnt turn up...she didn't even bother to call....
when one of our frnd called her up...she gullibly said, "i'm not comin...today is an official chutti (holiday).."

this is our education system in india....n this is how these guys work...

it's been considered that education system in india,esp till ur 12th....is worth studyin..cos of the amount of hardwork put in it....n this is also the truth that we still face a problem of illiteracy...but with teachers as irresponsible as this..well u can imagine the literacy rate and the growth of education in india....

no doubt,education in india is good,but the ones initiatin the spread of education amongst us,well can someone plez give us the right to taunt them too....cos if any of us even tries to do so...we r threatned continuously,and told often that they would reduce our marks,n all of us know,we the students,how important is any kind of marks in any subject,be it practical or theory stuff, is important to us.....but....wat do i say?

so....wat hapenned today was tht our teacher refused to come bcos of the official holiday....cudn't she think of tht earlier before announcing the date??

if u want to know more...i'm sure mirage has better things to tell u all regardin what happened today?? she is more upset than us....tht's bcos,she reached early in the morning to the college...n guys,it's been raining, heavily here,today...in delhi.....nad she stays really far off..n then carryin two heavy bubdles of your project,travellin by bus...oh my...i can understand why she is angry and upset...

anyways....we've been called after the festival of holi gets over....i just hope for no more surprises by our teacher....

now...i'm goin to hit the treadmill...n make schedule for my workouts..n i am going to be all toned up...no more laziness....

bye....

[p.s--all those teachers,who might chance upon this post....no hard feelings...i know not all teachers are same,but there are some...they are.....n it's been difficult for students, like us, to cope up with the system like this...incase, u felt that i have tried to hurt ur feelings,plez excuse me for it...for i have no intentions to show disrespect to any of u....my apologies for tht...but i stand by truth..n there are teachers who are not acting responsible n it's difficult to rely on them.]

let's................

2006-03-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

let's take a sip,
let's take tht dip...

let's take a sip,
let's take tht dip.
into the river,
flowing with dead thoughts....

let's fly!!

fly higher in the sky.
higher and higher..
as high as u can..
my frnd!!

let's raise our head,
to poison,
my frnd..

my eyes have opened,
but the dreams are still sleeping..

the candle is burning,
in a room full of lights..

imagination has been deprived,
of it's content..
reality has been absorbed,
in one's palatability..

let's take a sip,
let's take tht dip.....

[i dn' remember quite well,but it has been long since i wrote this one...i was readin my book,n when i was jst flippin through the last pages which had quotations on it,i came across this poem...n can barely remember when i had written this one..]

all thnks to my book.."point counter point",by huxley...

sure,the title is quite coincidental...but, to an extent..

pics for today

2006-02-26T06:58:00.000-08:00

well,the weather was gr8 today...n so i went on clickin...whatever struck me....n here they are.......

an amalgam of wat u see

2006-02-24T14:40:00.000-08:00

tagged by cherubic_chipmunk

2006-02-19T12:52:00.000-08:00

well,i forgot to mention...but the post "15thFEB"..was my 50th post...yipee,managed to score half a century,eventhough i dn't see much of cricket...n here with this 51st,i'm on the verge of doin smthin tht i barely do....dreamin bout my lover boy....i had many crushes...had many heart breaks... unintentionally and accidentally,fooled by the good looks n intelligence,but of tht of a married man or gays....
people can fool u so easily cos of their mannerisms n nature. ....but frankly speakin...all of them have merely been nthin but an infatuation....n tht's all i have dreamt of so far...but gettin into a relationship...nops...definately not....

it isn't bcos i have some committment phobia....nops,tht's isn't the reason..infact i can only rely on my relationship on the basis of three factors...1)givin space..2)honesty..3)fidelity...

but the reason tht i stay away from fallin into a relationship is only bcos of one reason...being devoid of one of the factors tht a relationship should be based on, according to me...which has been jotted down above...
i just cannot compromise with my space...my freedom of choice n thought....my freedom to do things whenever i want to...liberty to do wat i want to....
i hate phone calls too..n gettin into relationship also means a series of calls..."dn't they have anythin to do or anythin new to say"...n tht too 24/7....oh god
n another thing...fallin into a relationship also means gettin entangled into plethora of problems...for instance..the question hr session...n u have no choice but to answer them,cos u have been foisted by smthin called love n relationship by ur partner....well,tht's the only reason,y i stay away frm it....

anyhow,i dn't wanna break my frnd's heart,who has so lovingly tagged me,not knowin tht i hate working on tags...
but anyhow...

CHERUBIC_CHIPMUNK....THIS IS FOR U...N U OWE ME ONE FOR THIS...COS I HAD TO GO THROUGH A LOT OF MENTAL TORTURE WRITTIN BOUT SMTHIN THT I DN'T EVEN DREAM OF...
8 points tht i wud want in my dream guy...

uff...i cn't believe i'm doin this..................
:------
1)looks are not all tht important if compared to someone intelligent....but a charming guy(not neccesarily handsome)....with a gr8 brain..wud be a miracle

2)i like alpha guys.....i know dn't they care much bout themselves...but cud they pay a lil attention to thier hands n feet.....n see tht their mouth dn't stink....
[reminds me of this line from a sonnet written by shakesspeare tht i recently read in the book by huxley....]

"AND IN SOME PERFUMES IS THERE MORE DELIGHT,
THAN IN THE BREADTH THAT FROM MY MISTRESS REEKS"...

ofc,it's not the MISTRESS tht i'm talkin bout...

3)his love for books,music n movies(any kind of films:not just hindi n english)

4)i dn't want to force him to stay with me or tell him to take time out for me from his busy schedule,cos i know i'll land in tht time trap too...but he n i should make sure...tht dinner should be done together,n a lil walk....
n some arguments should be there too,else life wud be so borin....if there r no fights,arguments,n debates....

5)i dn't mind if my guy drinks..but occassionaly...i dn't want an alcoholic...n a dope-head...wud be a complete "no-no"....no drugs...drinkin n smokin to a limit,but shudn't be an addict...

6)if he has problems with women,not bocs of me,but due to some reasons,then he shudn't make me the ginnie-pig....cos my thinkin n perceptions arn't similar to any woman walkin on the street or sleepin in the house or workin in ur office....but yes,i demand respect n i hate comparisons....
[i know tht was quite mean of me to say tht]

7)i wud definately want my man to be fit.....i love abs...not too much of it...but it shud be worth being fit...n metally too....i mean,he shudn't be stressed out n tensed....shud have a gr8 sense of humour...n shud remain haapy n cheerful,cos most of the time i'm the opposite,so i need someone to keep a chk on me....hahahha.....
i hate to be pampered,but i dn't mind if someone shows me a way to remain happy....wat say?

8)well,i believe i shud leave the last point,only bcos...it might get censored...
hahahaha
jst kiddin...
all i want to say is,tht my man shud love me a lot,care for me n have an understanding...a mutual understanding...

cos....................
i wud do the same for him too....

well,jst bcos i keep myself away from gettin into anyrelationship dsn't mean tht all the above 8 points are untrue...
cos if i'm on a hunt...i'll be keepin these 8 points in my headwith whom i wud spend my whole life with...but ofc...tht's long way to go...but at present,i ain't lookin for any.... so spare me from any further tags...

8 ppl who r tagged by me......
1)dyer maker
2)rohit
3)man in the box
4)ms
5)xfreakx
6)mr.mediocre
7)amod
8)poison

TODAY....

2006-02-11T05:22:00.000-08:00

well,today i took an off frm the internship...
not bcos i cudn't get up....
but i jst didn't feel like

but frankly speakin,i almost wasted all of my day doin nthin,besides few things..

i cleaned up the mess tht was pillin up in my house for the last few days...i cudn't sort it out before cos of the internship..

read a bit n watched Lawrence of Arabia,another time...
oh i love tht film...esp the first scene...with lawrence on the motorbike n racin up n more, till he met his End..

done with movie,n the taunts began...
no..no..no...
it wasn't anyone tauntin me,but me who was cursin myself...chiddin myself only bcos i feel i'm bloatin,n tht freaked me out...so,today,i'm gonna start with my routine workouts tht i had, unintentionally left due to xams n the present internship....

it's 7 in the eve....i'm gonna hit the treadmill,then push off for a shower...work on my project too..n then i might see another classic film.."kagaz ke phool",i havn't seen it before,n i'm dyin to see it, asap...
hopefully,i get to see it today...

oh..i forgot...i even had a 15 mins battle with the ants in my kitchen...no...it was 20 mins...

20 mins of killin those bastards with the newspaper...oh,i so much hate the ants..
they r nuts,n wud run for any friggin shit.....when i see then collectin over a place n the others runnin for it...they look nthin less than lil sly n desperate bastards,n when some human makes a sound or kills one or two ants,they all get so mad...uff

i hate ants.....i truly hate them,but i enjoy it whenevr the battle takes place...hahaha
it's not tht i'm merciless n same with all the small livin creatures...i'm only harsh with ants...n i guess i have already given the reasons above...

sry,if i have hurt some of those who are contradictin to wat i did,esp to those who r fond lover of ANTS....

I HATE THEM...THE ANTS....

hahahahahahahaha

ok...
th's it for today.....

heheheheheeheehahahahaahahah

curtains n my room....all red n some light

2006-02-07T09:13:00.001-08:00

RADIO KILLS MY SLEEPING HRS

2006-02-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

yeah...sure it does..

today was my first day at the All India Radio(AIR)...my first day of internship after working with the Hindustan Times in Chandigarh in june 2004....

n i must confess,it was quite a borin day...the first day..

i reached there around 11..n was waitin with an another guy called Feroze who was also an internee...

both of us kept waitin either for an assignment or someone to help us find one n go out for the coverage..

alas!!nothin happ,but by the end of it,we only got more n more bored..n i even ended up sleepin in between ...many times...
while the whole radio staff were busy watchin cricket..i was busy sleepin or listenin to music(Hail!!walkman...wat wud i do without u...??????)

n then there was this guy...quite a famous one amongst his colleagues...who was quite a gasbag...n wudn't get tired of talkin n commentin on others...he went on jabberin with us..n i got pretty pissed..
in between i had my lunch n tea with feroze....
talked with tht man(the gasbag)..

slept frequently with intervals...

4pm...another guy comes up to us..n tells us to accompony him to the Congress Office...to cover the press conference wich was addressed by Abhishek Sanghvi,spokeperson of Congress..

done with tht,another issue comes up wich was also to be covered by us with the help of tht sir...
it was an issue regardin Prophet Mohammad n the comical display on him wich offended the muslim religion...
there was protest regardin this issue in Jamia Milia Islamia...wich made quite a news today in Delhi too...
imagine...700-800 students for the rally...watercannon n lathi charge was imposed on them resultin in hospitalisn few...it was sad....

quite a disgustin thing for tht comic guy to do...wat was the need to depict God or Religion in this manner...God...Goddess...religion are not comic characters....if only tht guy realised wat he was upto when makin this comical error resultin in protests...religion shud also be respected..whether u believe in it or not..

anyways...this was all tht hap today on my first day....

nthin much though....
i was really bored n sleepy...until evenin came,n i was landed with 2 assignments..

hopefully,my tomorrow truns out to be better...

some more pictures

2006-02-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

well,some of the pictures tht were taken in goa were left..so i though of postin thm too in the blog...all have been taken in goa durin our college trip in sep,2005....except for the first pic,wic has been taken by me in my previous p.g(payin guest)...tht's my own grafitti sketch..
the owner of tht place,an old man,got fuckin angry n told me to pay for the whitewashin of tht wall....but the walls nvr got renewed..n before it cud,i was thrown out for someother weird reasons...i'm sure some of u know bout it...i need not to tell again bout it..it's too irritatin..anyway,let's leave...wat's gone is gone...so i nvr got the chance to pay for my doin...guess,i have left a souveneir for tht oldie...i dn't like him for he harassed me a lot durin my stay in tht p.g.....

the second pic was taken with a car,not mine..it was parked n ruined..so i thought of gettin a pic taken with tht car...i found it pretty classy,n the color matched too with tht of my shirt...hahaha

the thrid one is again a pic,with me in it...at the vagador beach.....i love this pic...
isolated n happy.... with myself....

n the last one has been taken by me again...it's a pic of aguvara fort in goa....nice place...u even get to see the water behind...so clear n blue...i mean aqua blue...lol

tht's it with my goa's pic...
take care...n enjoy the season of spring....

tired n not a gr8 day at all

2006-02-01T10:52:00.000-08:00

hardly slept for three hrs...
i was up by 9...

had a quick shower,but had no time for breakfast...
out of my place by 10.30...
travellin by metro...

ear phones plugged into my ears,n singin aloud the song by nirvana...."where did u sleep last night?"
suddenly i'm confronted by this man...with a grumpy look on his face..more than wat i had on mine...(all the credit to the loneliness phase tht i have been livin with..tht has kept me numb n dumb for days..)...
anyhow,so this man comes upto me(not very old),sayin smthin...
cudn't make out wat he was sayin,cos of the ear phones...n when i put it off..he ws like..."get up...i'm an old man n i wanna sit.."

ok..i wasn't in the mood to argue with him..so i got up...n travelled by standin,cos there was no place to sit...u see some indian men have no sense of etiquetes(sry for the spellin)...so i was helpless n it's pointless talkin bout it...

my mission to move out of the house early was to get my time slots for the internship with the radio...
so i was there on time...got the slots...though i had to wait for quite some time..

got the slots around 2...

my internship will be startin from 6th of feb till 26th.....i know..i know...no more sleepin the way i used to...
hahaha

then i went to the British Council for the research on the topic for my project.."the impact of documentary films n the social changes in india.."..but..sad...cudn't find any..but i did get the invitation by the Council to appear for the screenin of this particular doc film based on my topic...(not exactly based on it..but hopefully,it helps me)...

had to get back home...
so i travelled back by metro...and again,i had to travel by standin for an hr...
n i must say..i was tired...
was really tired...
no sleep(barely two-three hrs..no food,remember i didn't have breakfast..n lunch was no where to be seen while i busy with the time slots)...
in between,while travellin metro in the evenin, i had to stop by the Departmental store...had to buy some stuff for home...afterall,i stay by myself...so i have to shop too on my own...my parents live far off...i wish there were here to cook delicious food for me..i miss my mom's cookin n my dad pesterin me to have food,n my big bro..who wud join me..n we wud try n take a sip of beer frm dad's glass,without lettin him know...
those were good times...
good times..
:)

anyhow,so i got lots of stuff frm the Store...n boy,wat a weight to carry...
n my place is on the top floor...
it has no lift..n i had to climb those72 stair cases with tht weight...
n when i reached for my keys to unlock my house...the lock wudn't open...

half an hr passed...still strugglin with the lock...
5 mins more...no progress with the openin of the lock...

n suddnely,after 10 more mins,the lock opened...
n as i entered...i went straight to the room..n fell on my bed...n then i saw my right hand with wich i was strugglin with the lock....it was in a bad shape...to an extent tht it's makin it all the more impossible for me to jot down today for this blog....

had eggs for dinner with coffee...n was accompanied by Citizen Kane...
after the film,it was time for beethoven to give me company...ohh...i love tht score by him.."moonlight sonata"...
i jst love it...

n, now i'm here...the radio is on...this program is being telecasted with ppl and their problems with thier love life...
oh..god!!!another weight to carry,i guess...lol
thnkfully,i'm spared frm this one!!!!!!!

i guess after finishin with this post,i 'll read for sometime..n then sleep
have to get up early again....

gud night...
take care

wat's MY story...morning GLORY???

2006-01-31T06:08:00.000-08:00

had to get up at 8,to collect sources for my project on documentary films....
but cudn't...................................................................................................

woke up at 10...put the system on,wich is only an arm distance away frm the place where i was lazing(my bed)...

aahhh...there it goes.."hey you"...the floyd
made some coffee...BLACK ofc,n put some honey in it,with less sugar...tht's how i like it...
got the mornin papers...

10.30...
finished the coffee,
finished readin the papers....
in my bed once again.....sleepin till 3

3.30,the radio is on....
made another cup of coffee...
out in my balcony...till 5pm...

no food...no hunger...
there it goes,another...but a small cup of coffee....

read huxley's point counter point......

now,i'm here...
Metallica is rockin my evenin,while i take another sip frm my 2nd glass of red wine...

it's 7.45pm,cooked some food for the dinner.....
watch a film..

today i'll be watchin,jism...i guess so!!! :)

by 1,i'll hit the bed again...
hopefully i get up early to work for the research on my topic for the project.....

hahaha

2006-01-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

sry for tht title....

i hate gettin up early...

but i love to sleep during the day...

hahaha

WHAT'S THE POINT??

2006-01-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

head on the table,
facing the cell.
eyes are waiting,
ears are stranded for a bell..

i go out alone,
looking for someone.
i go back home,
waiting for no one..

happiness accompanies me,
till i unlock the door.
dissappointment attacks me,
seeing my reflection on the floor..

i place my bag on the chair.
i walk through the room.

the stereo is on.
the coffee is done.

no one around,
but i'm happy.
no one to talk to,
makes me deliriously happy..

i delude my own thoughts,
and pander over it.
i denude my self-being,
debauchery treates me relentlessly..

SICK!!
i get sick of it.

i walk out,
and grab a breadth..

something belongs to me,
but nothing comes.
standing in the balcony,
eyes are wondering around..

head held high,
watch the clouds go by.
the sunlight begins to fade,
the night starts to invade..

thoughts are capsulated,
suffocated and defeated..

it's been fenced,
by doubts and intents..

head on the table,
facing the cell again.
eyes are still waiting,
ears are standed for a bell.................

"ZINDA" (brilliant film..now my fav)

2006-01-18T10:49:00.000-08:00

today,i finally got the opportunity to see the film,tht i had been waitin for ever since i got it's album...
ZINDA.....a film.....
maybe a hindi film,but it was different...it was treated in a different manner as well....
the story may not be original,but the work put in it,was incredible....
as far as my obsession for filmmakin(prefarably,documentary filmmakin),confesses,i was enthralled by the camera work...
i'm not here to give u the story of the film...no..no..no..i dn't want your curosity to end,cos i want all of u to watch the film...it's truly brilliant...
it's a dark film..
normally what happens with a dark film is when u see a film of such a quality and content,u tend to divert ur attention to smthin lighter...
but when i was watchin this film,i jst cudn't let go off my attention n my eyes off the screen....i got engrossed by the film,to an extent,tht i jst fell in lv with the darkness of the story,knowin what the meanin of tht "darkness" is in the film...
and the acting done by the stars was brilliant too....
startin from the least important ones to the main protagonist...wich is as follows..

CELINA-well,she was the only one who actually put a disgrace on the film tht has been made so well....this dame really dsn't know how to act....thnk god,she barely has 5 mins role in the film....though, she looks more like a frog to me....

LARA-she did wat she was asked to...so tht was fair enough and enough justice done to her role...she was more like Basanti of urban India in Bangkok..(tht's where the film has been shot...whole of it)

JOHN-cn't tell u....the story will be revealed...but he was very good...i'm not very fond of him,but i really liked him in his first film,"Jism"(cos of his acting)...but Zinda turns out to be my 2nd fav film of tht of John's...

SANJAY DUTT--aaahhhh!!!my fav actor......
he is the turning point in the film...n the film revolves around him.....
the story takes a step ahead,when he's sad...
the story takes another step ,when he's angry,
the story takes another big step,when he's in action.....
overall, he's done a gr8 job....if u liked him in "Vaastav"(his bst performance so far(n my fav too),u'll love him more after seeing this film....

NOTE:--
dn't worry,there are no naach-gaana(song-dance),in this film..only three songs for the background score..but u must buy the album.....it's worth a buy...

be careful....there's a lot of sick kinda violence being used in this film....if u r not a weak hearted like me....u'll not have a problem,instead u'll be surprised to see the way those scenes have been captured by the lens...

MORAL:--
dark...darkness...hateredness...lots of action...the runnin n the chasin....and a bit of melodramatic shots...this is what the film,ZINDA...has for u.....
go and watch it....

i saw this film with a frnd of mine...but i'm soon plannin to see it for another time in the hall...and if possible...ALONE,for my satisfaction....
i jst fell in love with the film.....
n i know u will too....

chase the procrastination..it's fun

2006-01-16T06:59:00.001-08:00

i have my pprs tom,last one to go,before i graduate in journalism(ofc,I have another semester to pass through,but theory has nthin to do with us anymore..only practicals;project n internship)..
but i jst cn't study..
i lose my focus…
n concentration dsn't seem to be under my control, it jst jumps off the track...

so i started to procrastinate too,jst the way u all do,jst the way our gr8 ppl like Archimedes n Newton too did(thnk u to “man in the box”..dn’t be confused,he’s a blogger)

didn’t know wat to do..was getting really pissed with my boredom..
so I read a book,listened to some music,watched a film("alfie"(new)),cudn't get enough of this one,so I saw anthr one,"citizen kane"..

5pm...still bored...
loneliness was gettin more n more silent..
so i walked out,stood in my balcony,with James Blunt playin "high"..

i gazed at the sky,watched the clouds fly by..n i knew,tht this was the best way of procrastinatin,n i loved it too..

series of paintings passed by..
watched the warriors fight..
while i stood there gazin at the sky,with my head held high...

some cloudy creatures were weird,
some were funny...
i even happened to see a phoenix,but in the midst of those clouds,tht were runnin in the sky..

i procrastinated more!!!
gazed more!!

clouds became more n more interestin,
n the time was slippin...

but then, when I come to think of it,
i dn't regret it all...

cos i really enjoyed it...

watchin the clouds go by,while I procrastinated….

SMOKE TO THE MOON

2006-01-14T10:19:00.000-08:00

UP SHE GOES,
UP SHE GOES!!

SMOKE FROM MY MOUTH,
FLYING TO THE MOON..

UP SHE GOES,
UP SHE GOES!!

STARING AT A WINDOW,
THE CLOCK HAS STRUCK TWO..
BLINK-BLINKING OF THE RED LIGHT,
BEAT-BEATING OF MY HEART..

UP SHE GOES,
UP SHE GOES!!

EYES ARE WONDERING AROUND,
YELLOW,GREEN,BLUE AND WHITE LIGHT..
BUT THE NIGHT IS STRETCHING IT'S ARM,
WITH AN ENDLESS BLACK LIGHT..

UP SHE GOES,
UP SHE GOES!!

BODY IS GETTING WARM,
BUT THE COLD AIR SURROUND..
STARS ARE HIDDEN,
BEHIND THOSE CLOUDS..

UP SHE GOES,
UP SHE GOES!!

SMOKE IS EXHALED AGAIN,
FLYING TO THE MOON ONCE AGAIN..

UP SHE GOES,
UP SHE GOES!!

THE MOON HAS INVITED THE SMOKE,
SHE IS GOING,
SHE IS GOING..

AND SHE HAS GONE,
WAVING ME GOOD BYE!!!

craziness,humanity n its diffrent colours!!

2006-01-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

GOOD MORNING TO THE CRAZINESS OF THE WORLD

Well,after writtin plethora of poems,the most depressin ones n the least depressin ones…I have finally put my foot down,but for somtime,to create an evironment,tht I wud call it a change for u all,but an improvement for me..lol…I guess,as to wat I think,tht none of u have an iota of wat I’m talking bout…so….this is whe the craziness actually starts,initiated by the proud owner of today’s topic….the evolution of craziness n the world spinnin in it….

Not more than a day,I have an xam…my 1st ppr of the 5th sem(wow!!the last sem of our theory xams,but not the the last sem..cos we have project n in internship to cover for our course:JOURNALISM..as sem 6th)…
on 12th,I have a ppr on Radio n Television,n on 17th,we have Government Information System…the shittiest subject of all,tht’s merely bcos I nvr attended this class….not tht my attendance has been stashed by me in the the coloumn of trash,but bcos..the teacher is simply one of those who sing lullaby to u n put u to sleep..i only wonder wat sort of coffee or wat brands are my fellowmates faggin tht keeps them awake…I simply dose off, or read a book,or write some poems(maximum of those have been written durin my class esp in this one..)or listen to my walkman(wish I cud sing it aloud “hey,teacher…leave the kids alone”…but sadly I’m the other brick in the wall..for I can proudly confess of being a scapegoat,but only to this context of wat I jst mentioned..cos of my killin honesty tht has infact killed me too,by confessin to wat I am..(I know…not very funny… it’s an insolent humour)..but jst laugh for the heck of it…for the sake of sarcasm…or the sarcasm will feel abandoned n aborted…if the extent of dead feedback is wacked out or unlimited…jst kiddin!!!

So,like I was telling u all…bout my ppr bein jst one day away..as it is today is 10th....yday,I spent merely 2hr studying the whole day…n durin night I was more busy reading stuff bout Poland n the buildings left after the disastrous Warsaw pact in the newspaper(Asian Age),n till 4 in the morning I was busy finishin my book “Round Rock”,by Michelle Hunven..not realisin dat I had to get up in the morning to go to milo’s place(milo is the sane girl,whose blog has been ardently read by u all…she’s a wonderful girl),to collect some additional notes on radio n t.v subject…I had to be accompanied by an another frnd of mine,well,it isn’t mirage,but Netra..another close frnd of mine,n there’s an another dear frnd of mine who is navdeep kaur..we call her bhajji…n this completes our circle of frnds with 5 girls,all totally different frm each other…but the thing tht we value the most n smthin worth talked bout amongst us..is the amount of space n the unlimited extent of freedom of speech(I top the list in the latter context…) tht we give to each other…n honesty is wat we rely on….and 24/7 we have concern for each other..
So,yes,comin back to wat I talking bout….after finishin tht book…I slept around 4 in the morning…n then by 9am…as crazy as my ring tone is too(infact…my ring tone is equally crazy…the tone yells out sayin…."wat if,wat if"..yeah..the same one sung by CREED,wich attracts not only everybdy’s attention..but freakes me out too,esp when it’s ringin in the morning…I got it by recordin it frm my music stereo)…n wat happens…instead of pickin up the cell..i walk till my main door,thinking tht my maid has rung the door bell…I walk with my eyes closed…n then I turn back towds my bed after chking at my door and seeing no one…n then see my cell ringin with the name on the screen.."NETRA"..n I go.."oh…god...no"…n then I answer the phone n she’s like,"nika bby,time to get up n get ready soon...gotta go!!"..
The phone gets disconnected..n i stand awkwardly,repeatin only one thing,”why in the fuckin morning”..until the door bell rings,n my maid steps in starts working…till tht time I make myself a cup of coffee..aaahhhh..my fav black coffee..n put the music on with pearl jam’s stuff(I dn’t rem wich album was it)..an hr passed,n I was done gettin ready,picked up my wallet,cell phone n my house keys…walked till the metro station..(oh..btw,I forgot to mention…netra stays only few blocks away..so I didn’t have to wait much..thnk god for tht)…so we met at the station…n the metro took off to our destination…
In between there were a lot of ppl whom we met were outrageous..be it in their mannerisms,or their physical appearance,or their sense of dressin,or their way of nappin while travellin….n there we were…busy passin comments n criticisms..n discussin bout whole lot of good stuff, bad stuff n shitty stuff…an amalgamation of everythin was evolving durin the phase of our boredom,wich created an interesting piece for us,but uncomfortable ambience for the others…sry,we were helpless…cos we were too bored..sittin in the metro..with nthin interstin but observin different modes n moods of humanity n the human beings…
The first one to be targeted was a sardar(attention to those who is thinking tht I’m gonna crack some jokes…no…it’s not tht,it’s jst tht with smthin tht I got embarrassed with…so plez,read on…it’s not goin drive u crazy..trust me on this..i dn’t do such mean things,cos I respect every religion…so I’m not goin to make any silly comment on it..it’s the craziness n how it dealt with me,tht got me..almost embarrassed)…I was carryin nthin but my wallet n the cell..so there was no bag tht I was carryin,but netra was carryin one..so she had to stop by the one of the counter(there were three of them),for a usual checkin…I mistakenly stopped by the third counter when I had nthin to get checked…n there,there was this tall sardar,with really long n trimmed beard…n had a very....very,very serious look on his face…accidently as I stopped I walked back makin a fool of myself sayin,"sry uncle,I jst have this...for checkin…"..n with this blunder of speech tht I made,I ended up laughin on his face,cos I was embarrassed,but he still had this look on his face,wich looked almost like as if he was bout to wack me…so netra pulled me away,n we both continued to laugh…

Nxt were the monks,dressed in tht maroon colored cloak…I really like tht wardrobe…so,I tried to dare netra,telling her to greet them by sayin,”tashi,tulae”..wich means hello(as in our Indian lang we mean..namaste)…she hesitated..so I tried to approach them jst for the heck of greetin..cos i was in the mood to do so....i tried once,but they cudn’t hear me..n there I embarrassed myself once again,n tht made netra laugh like crazy…so as we stepped on to the escalator..the monk was standin next to me…he looked pretty pissed…but I went ahead,greetin..to wich he initially ignored,made a face..n instantly,he smiled n replied sayin the same two words..”tashi,tulae”…I felt nice with the greetin, eventhough after being embarrassed,but he sure was pissed,thankfully not cos of me…hahaha

Nxt one,is a bit bizarre….while we were returnin to our home,by metro…we happened to confront two kinds of women,both wearin red colored clothes,but were strangers to each other ofc…
one woman,who was really big..big n huge for me…bumped me to one side of the metro wich got my arm injured,not badly,but the pain remains..while I sit here n write trash bout craziness to u all,n busy listenin to Stanley Dan..(ahh…there comes my fav "Hey Nighteen"......OOPS!Sry for the interruption)…n the other Lady In Red..was a lil weird than the other..she was doin certain kinda gestures dat,were more of a kind tht a whore wud do for a desperate invitation…
Apparently,we were busy giggling over the kinda act she was indulgin into..but when we saw tht there were actually no men,sittin next to her or opposite to her....but except for a woman and the two of us…we blindly guessed tht probably she was a dyke…we weren’t amused by the fact whether she was a hooker or a dyke,but we were partly aghast by the way she was evoking desperate attention in an outlandish manner,wich were pretty comical to us…

Well,this is how my day went along while the sun started to set…
Nthin gr8 bout wat I jst wrote…but wat one can relate to it is wat diff backgrounds are human from..n how does it appeal to us,esp in the language of humour…
Sometimes….even though it was rude on our part,to pass comments,criticse,discuss,giggle over it…but sometimes..it’s like a whole new thing tht u come to when u end up thinking tht even if I was observin ppl,I was actually exploring the diff phases of humanity…..

I wish I cud sketch them wat I saw n the kinda ppl I met head on…

I wish I cud write a poem on it….but either it wasn’t rhyming,nor did I find it all tht enthusing enough to compile them all together in a form of a poetry..

Cud have clicked pictures or recorded their actions,but cameras are strictly not allowed in the metro…
Thus,I only put them in a collection of words,only to be read by u all…telling n emphasizing on how interstin it can be when observin human beings and the humanity…passin comments,giggling n all are jst mere verbal form of negativity for u n for those who are the targets of it..but for us it was more like…as if we were getting to know them….smthin,tht most of us are neglecting, now a days…

I know,this post has consumed a lot of time…but if we jst analyse such lil things…they r actually smthin tht we can relate to in our daily form of life…smthin tht we can associate the similarities, rather than pointing out only the dissimilarities..

god made us...we r humans....so let's study them...by jst observin them!!!

BROKEN TO STITCHED TO OPEN...AN IMAGE!!

2006-01-07T02:36:00.000-08:00

COFFEE IS BREWING,
FEELINGS ARE GROWING..

LONG GONE THE SIREN CASCADE!!
LONG GONE THOSE RAINY DAYS!!!!

FRESHNESS IS THE AROMA,
FRESHNESS IS THE CHANGE IN ME..

WHITE,WITH A GOLDEN LINNING CUP,
IN MY HAND.
DARK,WITH A GOLDEN LINNING CLOUD,
HERE TO STAND.

PIEGONS AROUND ME,
WHILE I LAZE AROUND IN MY BALCONY...
WITH A BOOK OPEN ON MY LAP,
I VISUALISE AN IMAGINARY MAP..................

"HOW LONG WII IT LAST?"
THAT'S WHAT I ASK..

"HOW FAR IS MY DESTINATION?"
THE MAP VANISHES,
INTO THE THIN AIR OF IMAGINATION!!!

A REFLECTION INFRONT OF ME,
I GAZE!!!!!!!
REFLECTING ON A BROKEN MIRROR,
THE IMAGE FADES!!!!!

LONG...GONE...THE SIREN CASCADE

2006-01-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

ANGER IS DESIRING,
NICE IS THREATENING..
TO ME!! TO ME!! TO ME!!

"YES,FOR YOU!!"

FRUSTRATION IS BRIMMING,
CHOPPED...CHOPPED...CHOPPED!!
CHOPPED MY ALARMING WATERFALL..

BUT THE SCISSOR RUNS THROUGH,
THROUGH THE BLACK ENVIOUS FALL..

SKETCHING A FACELESS WOMAN,
BUT COLOURS RUN DRY..
MAKING A BEAUTIFUL PORTRAIT,
BUT CONSCIOUS IS YELLING AT ME..

FACING THE MIRROR,
I TALK!!!!!

TALKING TO LONELINESS INSIDE ME,
WITH A DISRUPTED MOUNTAIN,
RESTING ON TOP OF ME..

IT IS REMINDING ME,
OF MY PRETTY DAYS,
THAT ABUSED ME,
FOR LONG!!!

NOW THERE IS ONLY DARKNESS...
DARKNESS AND PEACE!!

AND I'M BACK ONCE AGAIN,
FACIN THE MIRROR.

I TALK ONCE AGAIN,
TO THE LONELINESS INSIDE ME..

"BUT WITH A SMILE!"

(this poem may sound a lil strange to u all...but it deals with smthin tht a person inside me ended up doin when the "frustration brimmed" to the extent of lettin tht person's frustration flow before it beomes unstopable n uncontrolable for her,by choppin off her most beautiful assest..so i let it all flow n thus the poem...lol )

STRANGE REMAINS

2005-12-29T03:27:00.000-08:00

LISTENING TO "PEOPLE ARE STRANGE",
WHILE MY TEARS GO IN FOR A DRAINAGE..

REMAINS OF THE DAY,
I COLLECT THEM AND THEN LAY & LAY & LAY...

UGLY HANDS,
BEAUTIFUL TOUCH.
SWIM THROUGH MY HAIR,
IN DISGUST..

THEY GAZE AT ME,
I GAZE AT THEM.
THEY SPIT AT ME,
I TAKE THEM ALL WITH ME...

BULLET THROUGH HIS HEAD,
BLOOD OOZING OUT OF ME.
TEARS OUT OF HER EYES,
PAIN SUCKED INTO ME...

FEELINGS ARE POISONED,
THAT SURROUND ME.
TORMENTS GET SOILED,
IMBEDDED HERE WITH ME!!!!!!

THE SONG IS STILL ON,
"PEOPLE ARE STRANGE"......

OR IS IT THE TRUTH,
TALKIN TO ME???

LOVE ME NO MORE

2005-12-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

LOVE IS THICK,
BUT SERIES OF LOVE IS DYING...

HISTORY REPEATS,
FUTURE IS FORETOLD,
BUT PRESENT......
PRESENT IS THE BITCH OF ALL TIMES!!!!

THE LIVING IS DEAD,
THE DEAD IS HAUNTING..

MEMORY FADES,
BUT THE PAIN.....
THE PAIN LIVES ON!!!!!

APOCALYPTIC STATURE IS BULIDING,
BUT CONSTRUCTIVENESS.....
IS GETTIN DIVIDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHATEVER MIDAS TOUCHED,
TURNED INTO GOLD..
BUT WHAT I TOUCH,
BECOMES A STONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE IS THICK,
OH LOVE IS SO THICK,
SO THICK....
THAT ITS DEATH,
HAS THICKENED MY IMPACT...
THE IMPACT OF BEING NO MORE LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anthr one to look at

2005-12-22T11:10:00.000-08:00

this one was clicked by me in calangute beach...

yeah u guessed it right,anthr goa's pic...wat to do,cn't get enough of it..............lol

well,while my frnds were busy makin sandcastle,n i was playin with the grains of the sand,i saw these two kids playin,n with the settin of the sun behind as the main background,i felt it wud be gr8 to capture the whole thing...n look wat has hap!!!!!

cn't believe camera like KB10 can work wonders.....thnk god for tht.

this also happens to be one of fav pics........

new music on the shelf!!!

2005-12-19T20:46:00.000-08:00

well,these days i have been listenin to a lot of stuff tht i have nvr treid b4..........
been listenin to all kinds of rock,puddle of mudd being the latest one...but then,i thought of developin a new change of taste in music,not leavin the love for rock music behind....

the soundtrack of 21grams n the motorcycle diaries,were the first ones to be tested.....

i got these cds a month back.my dad got it for me...
i gave him a long list of books,cds n dvds,out of wich these two were included....it's been long since i saw these two films,but it had been a decade since i had been huntin for the soundtrack ..

so a month back,when my dad came down to delhi,from US,i got these two cds,along with my other demands,but cudn't spare time listenin to them,cos at tht time,i was homeless...didn't have any place to sit n listen to them, peacefully...
finally,i got my a** parked in the place where i wud be livin,if possible,for a long time......lol,n got enough amount of time to sort my things out,n ofc,listen to those cds.....n i was struck with _______i'm speechless...dn't know wat to say.....the wordless songs of both the films were really good...all the songs were brilliantly composed by this dude with a very weird name,n weirdly pronounced----gustavo santaolalla...

nvr mind the name,but both the albums were spectacular,n it's an advice to all the music lovers to try buyin n listenin to them....i'm not really sure if u can get these albums here in india,but anybody comin frm outside can easily get it...now i'm plannin to get another film's soundtrack called,"amores pares"(love's bitch),composed by the same guy with a weird enunciation....

yday,i got an another album for a trial...ZINDA(starin dutt,abraham n other two birdies..lara n celina)
the album is divided into 2cds:one is club mix n the other one is lounge....both are good,n the mixin by chinappa n another one(sry,cn't rem the name).....have done a good job..
any fan of sanjay dutt's....got a good news for u all....he has a number to his credit...listen to "kabhi muskura ke"..
but i like tht track of strings' "yeh hai meri kahani"(non remixed one) n "har sans"(again non remixed),wich has been sung by kailash kher n composed by the strings...yeah!composed by these pakistani dudes..n it's worth listenin to.....

well,thts my review on the albums tht are new to my ears,but have been added to the list of my favorites this season.....
have a gr8 xmas n new yr,with the comin of these albums.....u'll know the worth of it...the rest is on u.....hehehehehe!!

drivin on my first mornin!!!!

2005-12-18T19:45:00.000-08:00

well,to make the title a bit more appropriate and understananble....today was my first day of drivin class............but in the mornin!!!!!

i know how to drive,been drivin really well.......but only on the highway(hehehehehehe)
so my dad,who's here for a short period of time and then fly back to US,insisted tht i learn the proper ways of learnin how to drive...brat as i am,initially disagreed,but then i had to agree,when he promised to present me with a car when he comes again to india or maybe in a few mnth's time,dependin on my interest and capabitlity of learnin how to drive.....in the traffic!!!

today was the day,n it started off by gettin up late,n the guy kept honkin till i woke up.......
he was really pissed,and so was the other kids who were in the car waitin for their turn to drive.
.....and me....there i was...grinnin away,even though i was reluctant to wake up tht early, durin this chilly winter.

but all was compensated,when i drove....my father taught me a bit how to drive when i was 7,and tht helped me whenever i drove on the highway...
so everythin was goin smooth,ofc i was a lil nervous,bcos of drivin first time in the traffic...but it subsided once i got the stearin in my hand,until a bus came and brushed us by at such a high speed,tht it made my teacher jump off his seat,n got all his hidden words out of his mouth,to the bus driver,as if confessin the amount of hatredness he had in store for every damn person he didn't like.....
what were those words...dn't ask,not bcos i'm a lil shocked but bcos i cn't translate......

time was up,n i had to be dropped at my place....

here i am,partly asleep,but feelin a lil btr by writin this post to u all aftr drivin....but i havn't stopped thinkin bout wat i went through today,wich was hilarious,and irritatin,cos of gettin up early...

hopefully i wake up tom at the right time!!!!!!!!!

plez,do not forget to go through my post wich is below this one,cos it's only a few hrs old......it's an another work of photography...n i need ur comments on tht one too...
thnks

"BUFFALO SOLDIER"

2005-12-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

IT WAS A DELIGHT CAPTURIN THIS SKETCH OF BOB MARLEY,WITH MY CAMERA,WHILE I WAS AT TITO'S IN GOA....................

another me

2005-12-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

it's seeping into me,
it's deepening me...

there's emotion,
there's commotion...

love is in the vein,
anger is the desire...

mirror of u in ur face,
as the satisfaction breaks u down..

out on a long drive,
to visit the never visited horizon...

quarrellsome is the blood,
happy is ur heart...

mannas thrown to the hunger,
crystal drops across ur smiling face....

it's seeping into me,
it's deepening me...

u r seeping into me,
ur love has deepened me..........................

goa and photography: ANJUNA BEACH

2005-12-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

THTS ANJUNA BEACH IN GOA.....
PREFARABLY,THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE IN GOA...
BUT TO ME.......

IT'S HEAVEN!!!!!

THIS PIC HAS BEEN TAKEN BY ME WHILE WE WERE IN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MAIN BEACH,i.e. ANJUNA..
I GUESS,SOMEONE WHO WAS SPELL BOUNDED BY ITS BEAUTY,MADE AN EXTENSION TO THIS HEAVEN...AN EXTENSION,OR SHALL I SAY, A "HALO" FOR THIS SMALL LIL BEACH, PRIVATE BEACH,EXPLORED BY SOMEONE, WHO MUST HAVE FALLEN IN LV WITH IT,JST THE WAY I DID...

THIS PIC SAYS IT ALL,BOUT THT LIL BEACH,THT LIL EXTENSION OF ANJUNA BEACH,OR SO CALLED BY ME AS THE "HALO" OF ANJUNA BEACH....

HUNT THE TREASURE

2005-12-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

well,here i am with photography once again.....
well,this pic was taken while i was in goa for my college trip...its been months by now and i'm still jabberin bout it...lol
but,wat to do,i still miss the trip,immensely......

i took this pic,while i,along with my other two frnds,hazel and prena,were lazin arond anujuna beach...my fav spot in goa,esp tht lil piece of land where all three of us spent most of our time in anjuna...
it was beautiful...
infact i have a pic of tht one too,and i will surely post tht one in the nxt one....

i named it "hunt the treasure",cos to us,anjuna was like a special place....though we didn't hunt for anythin materailistic ,but it did evoke the most treasrable moment in our memories...its beauty, and and it was the peace tht we found as another form of treasure,which is lackin now a days,while we live to struggle in this world....

so let's hunt the treaure,smthin tht will not only help u and me,but also the others...its not materailsitic tht we r lookin for,but for smthin more valuable....

EMPTINESS!!! (a poem)

2005-11-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

the sad is saddened,
the happy is tryin.

things are goin fast,
things are at the last.

singin my fav song,
but what took me so long?

memories never to forget,
but emptiness is what u get.

rough times crawlin on u,
strangers brawlin at u.

they are strippin the innocent,
they are mockin the intelligent.

they are strippin the innocent,
they r mockin the intelligent.
emptiness is still what u get..
emptiness and emptiness............................................

THERE ARE TWO MORE POEMS THT I HAVE JOTTED DOWN,WHILE I WAS TRAVELLIN IN THE CAR AND WAS GETTIN IMMENSELY BORED.....
WAT TO DO,I FINISHED MY BOOK, AND DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER,AND THERE WAS NO MUSIC SYSTEM IN THE CAR THT MY DAD HAD HIRED FOR HIS SHORT VISIT TO INDIA.
NO SPARE SHEETS TO WRITE ON,NO PEN TO WRITE WITH...
WITH MY FINISHED BOOK IN HAND,AND A PEN LIGHTER OF MY DAD'S HELPED ME PASS MY TIME WITH THE HELP OF MY FAV OBSESSION...POEMS!!!!

HAPPY READIN AND TAKE CARE

time is changing....but for worse!!

2005-11-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

i know the above statement is definately one of those pessimist kinda comment and nevr changin cynical point of view of that of a cynical person for example.......me!!!!!

"i sit and talk to god,and he just laughs at my plan."

it's not only the lines tht i'm listenin to from the song,"feel" by robbie,but it's smthin tht i have been insisting myself to do so,only to change the pace of the time thts running along with me..

nthin gr8 has been goin on with me these days,and i know for sure tht it will go on for some more time.
how much more time left for this uneasiness to subside.....CN'T SAY?

the pandora box has been opened by the ppl around me,but it's me,goin through the after effects of it,or shall i say tht the reprucussion of aftershocks of the earthquake (i.e-bad karma of the ppl around me),has taken over my conscious,my patience and my fuckin lil innocent brain,which used to be,once upn a time,as calm as the river..
river?......hmmm,always on the move sans distaction...thus the calmness,but these days,my brain has been functionin in the opposite direction..

it's sad....it's freaky.
it's young...it's old.
whatever it is....
it's a PARASITE!!!!
parasite...persistently indefinate one,without leaving the doors open for a lil cure and a pinch of warmth...
warmth or cure,anythin and any one wud do, cos any one of out the two will help me balance me...
but it's the emptiness tht i get.

i want to write more...but see..time has its rules too..

MEAN RULES!!!!

(wud love to cont someday..if this fuckin time permits me to do so...i still havn't figured out wat makes me the saddest,but time does play an important role in this...not tht i'm scared,but it's my curosities tht kills me...and when ppl around u take advantage of tht,it's even worse)

my trip to goa!!!!

2005-11-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

hey bloggers..
well,as u all have forgotten by now...but there was this promise tht i made to u all....and i havn't fulfilled tht till now...how mean of me....
well,remeber i had to write bout my trip to goa...ahhhh!!!now u remember tht promise tht was made by me..sry i kept u all waitin...
but guess wat,i'm gonna post bout my tripto goa now...
i know it's been decades since all of us have been there...and mirage and milo have got u all updated....
i'm really really sry to keep u waitin.....but here it is.....my update on my trip..

(finally it's there..lol)

Well,I need not to explain where all we went,and what we did,cos my dear frnds,mirage and milo,have done tht work for me…hahahaha
Anyhow,tht was a general view of what we all did in the trip,but here as I finally update my blog with a new post,as per the request,the Goa’s trip,so I thought of not givin u the same kinda update tht my folks have done for u.i’m sure by now u all have got where all we went and how much fun we had…
So,I thought of givin my nitions on what I felt bout Goa,and the kinda exploration we did,regardin my discovery on the place tht I went for the first time.
The trip was good,though not the way as i had expected it to be.thought of the trip to be better,cos it was the opposite to what all I had thought bout goin around in Goa.all thnks to the supervisors and the climate..lol
nevertheless,the best thing tht i liked bout Goa was the people.they were so sweet and hospitable.
out of the 4 days trip,there was this day when all of us had gone to panjim to do some shoppin.i was accompanied by 2more frnds of mine,Hand Prena.the ironical part is tht none of us are impulsive shoppers,so we didn't feel like goin around the markets just to shop around.so after we bought some Goan wine and wodka, we waitied for the rest of our folks near the bus.
soon we got bugged waitin, so we thought of gettin into someone's place to interact inorder to kill our boredom.
we got into this house lying tht we wanted water to drink,thnks to miss Hazel for doin so. She was an old lady who called us in and besides givin us water,she gave us something to eat too, and then we conversed bout various things like bout our trip,Goa’s beaches, the disadvantages of havin tourists in Goa, for Goa is getting really dirty.
[this is a request to u all,frm my side on the behalf of the lovely ppl frm Goa, who havn’t said anything to u till now, in particular the tourists…enjoy as much as u want,but plez dn’t mess up the place with ur enjoyment. Goa is really pretty ,especially its beaches,but u know wat,they r equally dirty, it has even become hard to see their beauty..I had to analyze its beauty, by chucking the mess out of it..but alas,thts only my imagination…]
The house tht we went into, was owned by this old catholic couple who originally had some instincts of tht of tht of a Portuguesse. They offered us some Goan sweets and wine .
We had a great time talkin to this couple.
What amazed us the most was the way they had maintained their house with antiques and catholic paintings around wich wud remind u of the houses built durin the olden times.
Though it was time for us to leave,we were partly sloshed,but we still managed to get photographs clicked with the couple.
We went to a lot of beaches and visited most of the temples and churches of Goa, but wat i liked the most of it was Anjuna Beach.

Rocks that are formed geomatrically, with coconut trees around. The water that was so blue and the sky tht was clear, and with the settin of the sun, wud only make u fall in love with it.
there was this line of rocks separatin the main beach and a small piece of land(say bout 30ft).we went to that little beach, as i wud call it, and saw smthin more beautiful then wat i had seen.Hazel, Prena and i were spell bounded by its beauty, we stayed there around 2 hrs with nobody around,except the water touchin our feet.we felt really nice,especially when the sun started to set and when its rays were reflected on the rocks tht surrounded us,which were in deep almond red colour.
whn it was time to go,we were hesitant,but we had to...lol...but i'm glad we got a chance to see smthin tht was extraordinary. luckily we had our camera to capture all tht we wanted to,but honestly speakin,wat our eyes saw the camera cudn't capture them.
i saw this,i saw goa.i met those people,i got connected with them.this is wat i wanted to do and this how i wud loved to do if i come again to goa..The land of extraordinary like Anjuna (in beauty) and in mannerisms (the old couple).
i dn't how well have i put forward my thoughts to u in regard to wat i saw of goa and wat i liked of it.but this wat i can all say bout Goa.i only wish to come here again and see Goa from my point of view.i hope to do tht soon.

have fun....
:)

my iris(photography)

2005-11-12T17:00:00.000-08:00

"indefinate accusations of troubles in my life"

here i am...
back with smthin new once again....

i know i made u all read my diff kinds of ramblings,made u love my poem

drew sketches, though liked by some.....lol

but now,i'm gonna post some pics for the first time tht has been clicked by me.
honestly speakin,i'm obssesed with the field of photography...

it has helped me test my innovations,my creativity...
it has helped me widen my thoughts n focus...to smthin tht is not only beautiful,but smthin tht can be memorable too,for me...

i dn't wanna go on dotin bout how i feel bout this art,and try to prove my point how such fragments of my imaginations can be those tiniest things tht can end up being the most preetiest thing ever occured in my life...
how superficial are these thoughts tht i just wrote (thts what u all must be thinkin),but if only u knew wat it is like to capture smthin tht u wudn't have been able to, if there was no camera....

anyhow,let's kick start my blog, with the first pic....
as i wud call it..."indefinate accustations of troubles in my life"....
well,the title says it all...

life aint easy...but we have to live on!!!!!

take care

i got tagged

2005-11-09T19:00:00.001-08:00

hey fellas,
both the post,bout the aquarius,and the one below it,have been compiled in my blog and is particularly for those who have tagged me,and for the ones who will soon tag me....kindly do not tag me any further, cosi had to buckle my seat to finish my tag and tht has fucked me more than just gettin irritated...

anyhow,now tht i'm done with the tag...
happy readin to all of u..
no hard feelings bout what i jst wrote...it's jst tht i hate writtin anythin bout myself....
a lil reserved,not on conventinal matters,but i dn't enjoy doin so.....

annonymous zodiac writer:AQUARIUS

2005-11-09T18:55:00.000-08:00

AQUARIUS WOMAN (thts me)

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry.
She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed. Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader,a real confident type. She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself,opening the door herself.

Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that.

She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he
has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction.
She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society.

She dares to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even if she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone,she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony.Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again,because she looks at the world positively and has faith in the word "Love".

She loves "Freedom"; so before and after marriage,her freedom has to
be the same.

She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you. She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan".

Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding.
When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.
You will not get bore with this type of girl.
Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman.

She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.

If she gets mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her.

If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

"tagged" ...freaked me

2005-11-09T18:45:00.000-08:00

hey folks,
i know u all have been taggin me for long....and now,i must truly confess,i have been reaqlly fucked up by it,so i gave up on my patuence,and decided to complete the tag proposed by a lot of individuals....
reason for this delayment,i hate to write anytin bout me straight....i have been writtin a lot of stuff bout my state of mind and perceptions through my various ramblings,poems and most recently,my graffiti sketches....
i still cn't gather my patience to write bout myself....
to be brief,i can only repeat what i have written in my profile:

cn't live without books and music....

count of monte cristo,rock cage,motorcycle diaries,the moth smoke, biography of stanley kubrick,jim morrison,beethoven.....blah-blah-blah,,are some of my favorites...but i cn't wait to read the biography of woody allen,eventhough i'm n the verge of readin some law books,an absolute exception to the course tht i'm presently persuin with.....journalism....

i can rely on any kinda music,as long as it swims smoothy with the mood...most of the time,i listen to rock,it revitalises my energy....anything will do-creed,the doors,pearl jam,linkin park,metallica and plethora of other such acts help me soothen my senses...infact stuff like judas priest,black sabbath and megadeath also do wonders for me....WONDER HOW!!!!!!

i enjoy watchin movies as well,the only source of entertainment,as it is,i own no television...thnk god for tht...it consumes so much of time,and makes u so bloody lethargic.....
bsides the most common entertainment of all,bollywood and hollywood films,i'm ardent lover of foreign films....motorcycle diaries,the officer's ward,red,white and blue,nickel and dime,are some of the stuff i enjoyed watchin...but if u wnat me to sound normal...well,there are many films tht i thoroughly enjoyed watchin from universal brands:holly and bolly....like italian job,naach,apocalypase now,citizen kane,kyun ho gya naa,mystic river, girl interrupted,an lots of others....and ofc...tom n jerry!

what else do u all wanna know.....hmmm..
i hate brick battin bout others,and if i feel smthin is not right,then i'm honest bout it,and if i feel someone is tryin to hamper my right or is wrong bout certain things,i get pretty adamant bout it....and spak on to the person's face,even if the person is older to me....i know thts really harsh of me,but atleast i dn't hide things,neither do i deny them or disguise them in the manner tht it sounds flashy to others,but to me it wud only make me realise how phoney i can be....so i wud prefer honesty...

i hate talkin much,or shall i say,i hate jabberin uselessly...
i'm always bored,even if i'm not...u will see me most of the time with my headphones plugged in my ears...well,like i said...i cn't breathe without any music,besides books...thus......music stays on, 24/7,with me...

i have no bfs...and i'm glad i dn't have any.... i hate talkin bout nthin important,but only wastin my time chattin bout smthin called love,or let's put it this way,"candy floss kinda love"....24/7!!

i've had crushes who have been 4-6yrs elder to me,and its still consistent,thts bcos i find them more mature,sensible and someone i can talk to regardin anythin except the inconsequential shit....lol

i'm a horse rider,swimmer and a dancer...i enjoy graffiti art,and i indulge most of my time in photography:my obsession,and have dreams bout makin it big in the field of documentary filmmakin...lets' see,how far does it go....

thts all i can say,u want more,well i guess the stuff some annonymous person wrote bout my zodiac sign:aquarius,will help u know me more,cos whatever he has written,is true,definately simillar to what my thoughts and life style is like...there are some mistakes in ther manner it has been written,well...blame it on the person who wrote it,i only had to copy it down on my post....hahahahaha

another sketch

2005-11-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

hey fellas,
i'm back with another grafitti sketch...
another one taken from Linkin Park's idea,but from another album,"meteora"...
anybody,who has seen the documentary film of the makin of meteora,have definately seen this one....
it's called "The Brain Man"...

i'm still in jammu,with my mom...
y day was diwali,and my grand ma,my mom and our servant,rakesh ('rakshash'-evil in eng)..i call him by tht name...hahaha,celebrated diwali...i really missed my bro and my dad,who are out working...infact the truth is....my bro is workin,but my dad,i have no clue,cos he's not with us...and honestly speakin...i missed him the most....havn't even seen him for the last 5 yrs...but this time,he's comin over to see me in the mid-nov....wonder,how will i react.....

anyhow,LP has not only great vibes in music,and in art as well...

this one is one of my fav,and it also emanates my side of nature....anger!!!
[i feel like laughin at myself right now!!!!!!!!]

one song that i wud like to end this post with,

Let It Out:Hoobastank

"This is ours, we made it with our everything
Something real, as real as it could ever be
You gave me all of yourself, I gave you all of me
Now set it free from yourself, for everyone to see

I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
(who cares if you dont like it)
(if you don't like it)

Go ahead, you know just what you want to do
Don't deny, you feel cause I feel it to
Take a look all around, you'll feel it in the air
From the sky to the ground, I feel it everywhere
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
(who cares if you dont like it)"

wonder,how far this song has made sense to u all in connection to this post,but i guess it does to my current state of mind and the definately,the sketch..

The Brain Man....
na....
this one is my

"Angry Man" ...... (mort pour rien)

[ppl who know french,has got the meanin of this...right)

take care,
with love

......the girl interrupted!

The Soldier!!!

2005-10-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

hey fellas,
i know its been long since i have updated my blog,after my traumatic incident...
i'm sure all of u are pissed with the way i have been treatin my blog....well,i was stuck with numerous amount of problems tht went on multiplyin....
but....................?

anyhow,forget it...

as i had promised regardin my goa snaps and the update on it....i will not upset u...sooner or later,i will finish doin so...
but remember,i had promised regardin my graffiti sketches as well...

well,here's one of them.."the soldier"..
u all have guessed it right,it's the same one tht has been featured on the cover of linkin park's first album,"hybrid theory'....
i know,its not as gr8 as tht piece on tht cover...but hey,i'm only an amateur...
hahahahahaha

there lots more...but only after i finish with my update on the goa trip along with the snaps....

sry to keep waitin....if only i was done with what i was goin through for the last 2 weeks...

take care
and yes,plez keep those comments flowin...i'm really thristy for them...
i want more and more bloggers to comment...

more the btr.......
lv ya all

A really really bad day...

2005-10-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

This post has been put togethr by two miserable souls...triple six n mirage.

[Mirage]- We had a perfect start to the most pathetic day of our lives. My mom decided it wud be fun to throw a breakfast party for her friends at yoga...at 6 AM. We were rudely awakened by 'the morning people' as they lined outside our room, and used MY loo...not being the least considerate for two sleeping beauties.

[Triplesix]- So we were up since 6:30…..and all I cud hear was mirage cribbing…that we wud have a long day today….how right she was!! Our plan of action included, going back to my PG at north campus, then go buy gifts for two friends whose bday party we had to attend, and then we had planned to go for Flight Plan in the evening.

We cud do nothing of the sort.

[Mirage]- After reaching triple six’s PG, the world came crashing down, and our plan went down the drain.

[666]- Turns out, my PG owner, had placed a huge lock on my door…making it impossible for me to enter. On asking for the key, he refused outrightly and blew his top off…with his rage spilling out on us…

[Mirage]- We were taken aback to see that this 85 yr old frail looking man cud have so much energy inside him…and we were at the receiving end of his blind rage. Um, at least triple six was!

After much arguing, and glaring and coaxing and abusing, it was mutually decided that triple six wud have to go. Frustrated, tired and angry, we spent the next hour packing all of her stuff with her shouting at the top of her lungs, “My books and cassettes first….pack them first”!

[Triple six]- We dumped all my stff at my uncle’s place for the time being, and now homeless me is taking refuge at mirage’s place. And we’re so miserable rt now…and its been a tuf job trying to make this post funny….

[Mirage]- …esp for triple six, who’s a lot better than she was a few hours ago.

Our bday party, ruined, our movie schedule got delayed and we hd loads of frnds calling us to ask what happened, and we having to repeat the whole incident word for word. Mentally, physically and emotionally drained….we’re now signing off.

off to goa and no power!!!!

2005-09-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

well,
here i am...back to the pavillon...
oh plez...wats wrong with me,y tht cricket term....i cn't stand cricket
anyhow,enough of the criticism,cos i guess all of us have seen enough of it....the G's episode (gregg and gangully)...
tomorrow,i'll be off to goa for the college trip...this is my first time to goa and first time with the college trip...all my dear frnds(we are five of us---netz,megz,milo,bhajj and ofc me)...
well,all of them insisted and forced me to come for this trip,cos its my first and will be the last college trip..and bcos its our last year in the college,i agreed to go...
so all my preparations are done...most importantly,got my cassettes arranged for my walkman,as it is i dn't own a cd walkman,and all my favorite collections are on the cds...i had to sit and record acollection of my favorite from the cds to a cassette...
pearl jam,metallica,robbie williams,junoon, sting,michael jackson...oh i love tht song"smooth criminal,the way u make me feel,billie jean,and ofc I'M BAD!!"
through with all of them and here goes my last track of the recordin, "cocaine" by clapton,an all time favorite of mine.
the reason i wrote "no power",is bcos there's been plethora of power cuts,and whenever i wanted to write down smthin for the blog,the electricity goes "BOOM!!"......and then its me and the darkness for a fraction of seconds,and then, later on, its me and the candles with strange and noisy creatures flyin and wanderin around my head..its not just the machars,but others too.....
y'day,there was a fault for about 4 hrs...can u imagine!!!
anyhow,the light has come after it went for another hr, today,and then i watched tom n jerry,cos i was gettin bored,but after it got over,i realised that i could jot down smthin today in my blog,before i head twds goa...
and yes,my pics havn't come yet....i know..i know...i know....but plez forgive me,as u can see i didn't even update my blog by writing a para even,i got stuck and cudn't find time...
but i will definately post them after i come back from my collge trip...
till then...

C YA
AND
LOTS OF LOVE TO U ALL!!!
:)

archaeologically deceitful life!!!

2005-09-17T06:40:00.000-07:00

well i have no fuckin clue as to y i chose this title for my poem that i'll be jottin down right after this note to u all.... i guess the first title of the poem came bout in my head cos i was studyin bout the subject at the time i was thinkin of a title to my poem...funny ha!!!!
i wanted to write smthin for my blog, and it has taken me a lot time..and i cudn't bear the depth of my thirst anymore,so i thought of quenchin it,forcefully...
i was waitin for my sketches to be displayed b4 i start off with an another poem...but smthin went wrong and my sketches got jammed...luckily i still have them on the floppy...
so...i cudn't wait any longer..."enough is enough"...i realised that until it really scragged the shit out of me....thus,i have opted to write down another poem of mine...right here and right now!!!
i know i have kept u all waitin,but u know wat.... my ramblings were gettin more upset than u all,for they all wanted to be exploited by u all...hahahaha
hope u enjoy this poem....the rebirth of 666,after a long hiatus...though its a really small poem...

ARCHEAOLOGICALLY DECEITFUL LIFE

where can i go,
i'm so tired of this deceit...

which has left me with nothin,
except for this hallowness...

which has been left,
for me to find out!!!!!

no time at all

2005-09-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

hey guys...
hows everythin goin?i know the minute u start off readin this post,ur anger will subside,but i can assure u that it will rise up to a higher extent after readin this..hahahaha......
this is not one of creative writings,but yes,it is another post...so dn't know how many of u are goin to get mad at me once again....
really sorry for that...but as u must have guessed already,i've been really busy...there's documentary workshop,then i have press conferences to attend and file their fuckin report,and then submit it to my teacher(as a part of our course's assignment),and then in a while,i'll be runnin around to make project for my photography,as it is our semester for photo has ended...and we have to compile all our hardwork and exhibit them....
see....so much of work,but i cudn't put a halt to my writin on my blog...
so b4 this busy time boost my energy and fuck me up,thought of rollin over to this platform(blog) for a fraction of seconds....
i was up by 6.30am...finished with my bath,had parle g with black coffee for my breakfast...wich i normally skip,and end up havin the only meal the whole day and that is my dinner....by 10am my workshop starts and ends by 8 in the evenin...and when i'm back,u shud see my condition....i get all fumbled up,and crash instatly,even in my casuals and sometimes with my shoes on......i'm dead by then.....
its 9am right now,and i have to switch my ass to another place where my workshop is....
so here i go,with time sragging the shit out of me......
c ya ltr
oh!!!i will definately try and take out time for my poems and sketches for u all to see...i have them alll compiled and all of them are winnin to be exposed.....
take care.....
:)

some pics!!!

2005-09-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

1) chester(lead singer of linkin park),showin off his main tattoo,out of 12...so this the 13th one...
2)thats gael garcia bernal,who's playin the role of che guevara,from the film "motorcyacle diaries" the pic has been taken from the movie...
3)linkin park's pic from the animated video,"breakin the habit"
4) jim morrison's grave
5)one of my fav graffiti image picked up from google...i like the pic,cos eventhough its simple,but its tellin a lot bout the position of the kids in the wrld....

well my dear frnds,i mean the bloggers who've been commentin frequently...these are the pics that i have for u all to go through till the time,i think of some more gr8 poems...as they say..."Rome was not bulit in a day"( i know,quite a common phrase),but i need time to recreate that same magic as it is,i've bored u enough with my previous post wich is definately unlike me...
might take me a week,but dn't forget to keep chkin...for i'll be more than just glad to see ur feedback....
thnx and take care....

i now leave u all with a piece of my favorite cartoon strip,calvin and hobbes:-

CALVIN:-- you're tellin me that animals' have their own words for specific smells?
HOBBES:-- well sure.

CALVIN:-- ok what's the word for how wet leaves smell?
HOBBES:-- 'snippid'

CALVIN:-- what's the word for how i smell?
HOBBESS:-- 'terrible'

extinct feelings remain perpetually extinct

2005-08-31T23:12:00.000-07:00

Why does someone has to sacrifice,
When sacrificed enough…..

Why cn’t I be greedy for once,
The thing that I desire the most,
That thing that I can be happily content with,
For lifetime…

Is there someone I am waitin for?
or someone i have to sacrifice again for what He desires?
(self-written)

[well,the thing that i'm bout to write down right now might take a lil bit of ur time...not that i wanted to write smthin for the blog,but whatever will be inscribed below,has happened today in the evening with me so i thought of sharing it with u all....addition to this,this post is a bit different frm wat i had been writtin b4 ...hope i dn't get u bored...i've written it in a poetic manner,so its got a lil longer]

Lying on my bed,
With the coffee next to me….

Minutes later,
The cup gets empty and I switch on my system which starts playin Beethoven’s,“Mir ist so wuderbar” (quartet) fidelio.
The music,is haunting and is keeping my thinking alive,
alive enough to get suffocated by what its doin to me…
I get carried away but I still havn’t stopped thinking….

But thinking bout what? It’s vague,but yes I can feel the moment, that I’m thinking in,
The moment is talking to me…

It talks,
And talks to me ardently bout how beautiful the moment is,
And how love can make someone even more beautiful…to which I ignore,not knowing why…

Thinking then,
Thinking now,
I just keep thinking bout various things and yet they r still so indistinguishable…
But suddenly my phone rings…

I pick it up and this smile comes on to my face without knowin the caller’s identity.
Thinking bout whether is the same person that I was thinking bout to wich I cudn’t decide of wat I was thinking bout…but then,that smile that came upon, wilts away…

The caller is the person who calls me often expressin his love to me and askin me to accept it…

Seconds later,he’s still on the phone waiting for my reply,but I’m speechless,not that I’m thrilled to hear for I shud be,but dn’t know why it died away, that excitement ,to be in love…
I go blank not knowin wat to say,for I’m indecisive for my heart is telling me..For what am I craving for…and if its there in front me with the proposal,I just cn’t decide…
I instantly go blank….just blank..

Something that I always wanted, to be with someone, but ignorance overpowers it leavin me uncertain of wat I want…so,another time,I refuse his love and the phone hangs up on me…telling me how cruel I am to someone who loves me so much,but how do I explain that its my weakness that’s takin control of me….
Weakness of not being able to decide of wat i want.....

“why did I do that?”, I ask myself that question again and again,but alas!!its ends up with no reason at all…

the same music is playin,and I try to divert my attention…..
I lie on my bed,tryin to read smthin,but my eyes are set on the string of shells which are hangin infront of my curtain that a dear frnd of mine gifted to me…
that red curtain with lil yellow flowers on it…how pretty it looks with that string hangin and the darkness of the evening set behind that window,with the curtain on…

They all dance to the music,the string of shells,the red curtain and the dark evening…they seem to be happy and thus,are dancing …and so does the peacock's feather which is touchin the curtain…
it amazes me,for everything that the music is touchin, are dancing...
right from the shell to the foot of the feather…
to me,it looks like they all are dancing for celebration…celebration to wat…”they r dancing cos they are in love…for everythin that touches them,are touched with love,the beauty of love.”this is wat the moment tells me,when whisperin into my ignorant ears…

I stand infront of the mirror,observing myself..seein if there’s anything that’s touchin me too…the hair that’s hanging down my shoulder,the tear drop that’s comin frm the corner of my eye,my senses that’s touchin my skin….
the soul that’s touchin my heart…

I’ve been ignorin for days…but how cud I do it now…for I’m standin infront of own self…my reflection that’s staring back at me with no hatredness but with smthin that’s makin me look more beautiful…the smile comes again…but again,I cn’t reason out why…

But when that person calls again,minutes later,thinking I have an answer after that lil break…that smile…..it fades…fades away in the aura of moment that was speakin to me…to wich I cud sense I was enjoyin the most..that ecstasy that got into me and got me high…far above the ground,that almost got my wings out.and when I was bout flap them,it got cut….with the sound of the phone and then of the caller’s voice….
He asked me again to contemplate on smthin that I was refusing….
and there....once again,I lost out to my strength,cudn’t gather my own-self….the agony of the blankness got over…..takin control of me…but still had no reason to all this mess that was comin instantly,and ended up sayin that I cn’t decide….not indecisive on whether to accept his love or not,but indeicisve on wat my heart wants….
I sketch then....but if only I cud sketch wat I want….what I desire for….
but unfortunately,my imagination betrays me and so does my skill for I’m not all that gr8 in sketchin…
funny,ironically funny…

feelings...extinct...are gradually becomin.......PERPETUAL!!!!!

SILENCE..................

2005-08-28T21:40:00.000-07:00

SILENCE IS EASY,
BUT DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH..

EASY TO DEPEND ON,
BUT CRAZY ENOUGH TO INITIATE..

BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT,
BUT A STRETCH TO AN EPITOMICAL APPOCALYPSE..

POCKETED CONVINIENTLY,
BUT HIDDEN HIDEAOUSLY..

MAKES U SANE,
MAKES U INSANE..

ANONYMOUSLY FAMOUS,
JOBLESSLY VIOLENT..

NEEDS TO BE SEARCHED,
HAPPILY ISOLATED..

FLICKING ONE,
AND DABBING THE OTHER..

THUS,
SILENCE FOR SOME,
CRIME FOR ANOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!

(self-written)

"SCREAM OF THE BUTTERFLIES"

2005-08-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

This what I write about our fair sisters, my frnds…who r in trouble…who r insecured…and for those who r undergoing trauma, and the deepest shit of all…

for them,I dedicate this…and this is all I have… ‘a poem’….[dn’t know whether u’ll like it]but its the my way of showin my deepest concern and sharing what "u’ve" been through…
the muse….urs,mine and ours….the muse,who’s now sick…not with her fever but with the ones diagonised with it and are spreadin it like a rapid fire….

Dn’t u hear that gentle scream…that scream,its loud but soft,soft enough to fade….and this is what she says,

“they’ve spun a web for me….they’ve spun a web for me…”[frm Coldplay’s ‘Trouble’]

SICK MUSE

Muse,my muse,
Why do u give that dose……
I didn’t give any dose
They made me a dose,
Dose to sicken myself!!

Muse,my muse,
Why do u give so much of love…..
I tried to give love
But it turned away,
Turned away to give me hatredness!!

Muse,my muse,
Why do u attract us so much…..
I do it for love
But the attraction gave me,
Gave me an edge towards ugliness!!

Muse,my muse,
Where r u goin??
I’m not goin anywhere
But I’ve been dragged……..
Dragged and dragged and dragged…
till my heart bleeds…
But I’m dragged and dragged…..
Dragged to the world of darkness and insult!!

Muse,my muse,
what's ur state now??
i'm happy....
happy when I’m entangled in the world of dreams,
But sad,
and sadness is what I’m living with,
When realism gets me entangled in the world of deception!!!!!!

Muse,my muse,
Why do still inspire us, dear muse…….
I inspire them to do good,
But my followers get wronged...Incited to reciprocate the ‘good’ !!!!!!!!

I’m no more honored,
But stripped,insulted,abused,molested and sold…
Yes sold to the evilness.…
Till my time comes to a stand-still…

I’m no more ur muse,
For I’ve been contaminated
By the wickedness of this world…

No more..no more…is ur muse!!
Neither is she living,
Nor she’s dead…
Only I’m sick,
Sick of the torture….

Can someone help me???
Help me regain my strength….
Strength only to face my Judgement Day….
For I’ll be happy to see my sickness ending…
...................................along with my life!!!!
(self-written)

i now conclude my post, "SCREAMS OF THE BUTTERFLIES", with the help of few lines from the song,"when the music's over", sung by THE DOORS....

I hear a very gentle sound
Very near yet very far
Very soft, yeah, very clear
Come today, come today

What have they done to the earth?
What have they done to our fair sister?
Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her
Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn
And tied her with fences and dragged her down…………….

ANGEL....NO MORE!!

2005-08-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

HUNT FOR THEM,
HUNT NOW....
SEARCH FOR THEM,
SEARCH NOW....

FOR I FLAPP MY WINGS,
AND SET MYSELF FOR ANOTHER QUEST..

BUT THEN,
I STOP!!!
FOR I SEE,
ANOTHER STARE!!!!!!!!

(self-written)

lyrics!!!

2005-08-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

well,i know this image is....not pleasin to look at ,infact the person looks a bit fucked up...and its bcos of this reason i picked up this image...cos if u can see,she's all dressed up but she's still sad...
my opinion on seein this image is that...she's not a misanthrophist,but she' not ready to socialise either...smthin that she used to enjoy doin,but now is scared cos of her cynicism...thats what her state of mind is....
her wrld has turned upside down,but she dzn't want to make it obvious..thus,she dzn't want to mix up...she dzn't wnt to indulge others cos then she wud feel guilty if she finds out that by comin into her wrld,they r hurt...
anyhow....leave aside the notions on the image,i wud like to jot down some lyrics of my favorites,cos i have nhtin to write right now,but i'm in the mood to wirte some...so i thought of jottin down the lyrics of 2 or 3 songs...hope u like them!!

"ppl are strange"--THE DOORS

ppl are strange,
when ur a stranger
faces look ugly,
when ur alone.
women say wicked,
when ur unwanted.
streets are uneven,
when ur down.....
when ur strange, no one remembers ur name....when ur strange,faces go out of the range...
when ur strange,when ur strange,when ur starnge.......alrite!!!!!!!

"breakin the habit"--LINKIN PARK

memories consume
like opening the wound
i'm pickin me apart again
u all assume
i'm safe here in my room
unless i try to start again......
(ch)
i dn't want to be the one
the battles always choose
cos inside i realise
that i'm the one confused

or y i hv to scream
i dn't know y i instigate
and say wat i dn't mean
i dn't how i got this way
i know its not alrite
so i'm breakin the habit............tonite!!!>

clutching my the door
i tried to catch my breath again
i hurt much more
than anytime before
i had no options left again
(ch)<>

i'll paint it on the walls
cos i'm the one at fault
i'll nvr fight again
and this is how it ends...............<>

"iris"--GOO GOO DOLLS(i only rem the ch)

and i dn't want the wrld to c me
cos i dn't think that they'll understand...
cos everyting is meant to be broken
i just want u to know who i am

"easier to run"--LINKIN PARK
(i like this song too,but the only para i like is the last one,cos it goes well ,esp with the image,and wat i'm tryin to emphasise my emotions on)

sometimes i remember
the darkness of my past......
bringing back these memories
i wish i didn't have
sometimes i think of lettin go
and nvr lookin back
and nvr movin forward so
there wud nvr be a past...........

(ch)
its easier to run..
replacing this PAIN with 'NU'MB'
its so much easier to go
than face all this PAIN here 'ALONE'!!!!!

DISINTEGRATED MOMENTS!!!

2005-08-18T19:45:00.000-07:00
Well,guess wat,for a change I started to listen to backstreet boys today cos I got too tired of listenin to rock and trance…I used to listen to them(BSB) when I was a teen…but then,slowly and steadly,my taste started to take a gradual change,and I stopped listenin to them,completely….but today,I dn’t know,I just felt like listenin to them…
So I told my frnd to get any BSB’s cassette.she got me “millennium”…so here I am,listenin to it right now,but u know wat..it hasn’t made me feel good about it…it got me nostalgic and I started to remember my past….my past,that was so smooth,full of happiness,no problems at all….that was then…but nowwhile i'm 20yrs of age,everything has changed…
The moment that i frequently remember,while listenin to this tape,is when my dad,mom and my big bro used to come and pick me up from my boarding school,Sacred Heart School(dalhousie). I still remember how my bro and I used to fight over which music to listen to in the car….he wud yell at me and call me stupid for listenin to too much of BSB,and I wud call him borin for he was an ardent listener of Pink Floyd,bob Dylan and The Doors…and seein this my parents wud just laugh…that was then…the happy moments,but now,as I remember those moments,it makes me sad…makes me cry too…
If only I cud turn back the time….the time that I loved the most,but the truth is that my life has gone right frm the zilch,and has no further numbers to add to it…
My whole family has got disintegrated…all of them have chosen their own path to lead on their own….my dad in US,my mom in jammu(I stay with her…but I study in Delhi, pursuing my studies in journalism hons in DU),and my bro in Mumbai….everything has got disintegrated….
I try to avoid thinking about all of this….but it still gets hooked on to my head…and then,I start thinking about it endlessly…which makes me cry so loud that it fades away in the silent of darkness…I cn’t even express my emotions…have to hide it inside only to avoid makin me weak….but its only getting worse…
While I was thinking of sharing this depressin situation of mine,I didn’t know whom to turn to….i have nobody around…I’m still in touch with everyone,and talk to my family but I nvr have the guts to share all that is held up inside me…I didn’t know whom to talk to…..
so I kept thinking and finally thought of writing a blog only to make it easier for me…not that I wanted to share on purpose or ask for sympathy,just wanted to let it out….let it out to anonymous ppl without expectin any comments…
If u think my motive is wrong to share it on the blog….then all I want to say is that I’m helpless…and I’m sry for it.
A lil stuff written by me:-

PAST THAT WAS LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL TO ME,
HAS NOW BECOME DARKNESS INSIDE ME….
AND HAS MADE ME LONELY......
WHERE DID U GO?
WHY HAS UR FLAME EXTINGUISHED?

DN’T U LOVE ME ANYMORE,
DN’T U LOVE ME AT ALL…..
THAT U HAD TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN,
TO LEAD A PATH THAT I NVR WANTED TO WALK UPON!!!!!

ONE AND ONLY ONE QUESTION I ASK THEE….
WAS I DESTINED TO BE LIKE THIS,
WAS I ?……WAS I ?…..WAS I ?………………………

(SELF-WRITTEN)

disfiguered life!!!

2005-08-12T11:20:00.000-07:00
cool pic,ha!!!i know
infact,it reminds u of megadeath's ususal album pics...
well,i picked this up only bcos it was apt for the title that i'm goin to write on in this blog....

"disfiguired"..wat happens when u see ur self in the mirror?
(why dn't u all see urself in the mirror first)...
how did u look like?wat r ur comments about ur FACE ...
pretty,handsome,cute..or is it ugly,weird,full of pimples and freckles.....well..u know it,but the fact that all of u know as well, who have seen their reflection,is that u r not FACELESS!!!
yesterday,i had a chance to see a french film,something that i enjoy tremendously,(all thnx to that spanish film,"motorcycyle diaries"). the film is called,"The Officer's Ward".
watchin this film,i got to a chance to see not only the exterior image(which was horrifyin),but the interior too...
the eyes of that horror stricken face tells u all...wat goes on inside the mind of the faceless man...
these soulful eyes...tells u,"along came the disfiguered soul,along came the disfiguered life...i'm crippled,i'm deaf,i'm blind...i'm the FACELESS MAN!!! frustration tells me to put a halt to humanity,respect and honour have seen me off...people dn't jst look,but gaze.."(self-written)
u start ur day by lookin in the mirror,but as candid as mirror is,can't even hide the trtuh for once to kick start the day of that of a faceless man....
i remeber these two lines,which not only evokes humour but also sympathy.The protagonist,who is disfiguered too,says while lying in the bed in the hospital,when an another patient comes in.."they r scared of me.I'm scared too."
when a frnd,a painter, comes to see him,he hets amazed to see the new look of his frnd...look that is no less scarier than the ones that we see in the horror films for entertainment.he tells him to draw him,(i still remember those words,"dessein moi",which means,"draw me"),but the frnd refuses.He tells him to go away....the frnd goes away...but truth prevails,one cannot hide the real image,the face...face that will not only haunt others,but himself too.face that will not only sicken others,but will sicken u as well ....the faceless man, the face that others would despise,but the face that the man wudn't love it either ...

when he will look into the mirror again,there will be one thought that wud come across his head, "Why didn't death come along too?"

mother!!!

2005-08-10T11:55:00.000-07:00
well,
here i am discussing about my mama....its been 6months,i havn't seen my mother....all thnx to my studies
Today,when i got my result,i was damn upset,cos it didn't turn out to be the way i had expected.....even if i had worked my ass off,and when my mom called me up,i told her about the percent...she wasn't very hpy,but i blew it on her on the phone....i was so rude that i even had those shitty guts to even hang up on her....later on i called my frnd,and told her what happened...so while i was tellin her bout it,my mom called her not knowin i was talkin to her..so my frnd told me to hang up...
so after few mins,my mom called me up again,after all the clarifications made by my frnd....i was so lost and so confused that i went speechless and cudn't say anything gr8 to my mother....i was feelin guilty and angry,both at the same time...and was findin it all the more difficult to sort it out....but then,my mom helped me with my problem....i felt so nice about it,but then,now i didn't have the guts to even apologise now,cos i had said so much shit to her in the previous call....but i did....i was actaully upset cos i was gettin more and more clueless regarding the way my paper was gettin checked....plethora of questions were runnin in my head....so many doubts...and with all of it goin haywire,i wanted to get angry,but on whom...on the checkers...hahaha,they wud reduce my marks further ....and so,i got it all out on my mama,i felt so bad,but my mom didn't feel the way i was feelin for her...she was like,"good...atleast,u got ur anger out on someone....y were u holdin it up,inside u"....but she was equally upset,cos i began to cry,all thnx to my marks..i was feelin really bad....and i had no one to turn to...how cud i...
my dad is in america,my bro in bombay and my mom in jammu...and here i am...in delhi...all by myself...my mom was like,"its not ur fault....ur still struggling,while the rest of us have,almost, passed through that phase...it'll take time,and u'll have to bear more pain to get to where u have to....so dn't give up now...work harder for the next sem...."
what an advice...i felt relieved,however i'm still upset about my result...but this time i'll slog my ass again,right frm the scratch...hopefully, this time,i dn't get betrayed by my luck again...looks like my luck is out for vaccation...lol

but one thing is for sure,someone said it right," god cannot be everywhere,so he made mother."
i miss u a lot mama...and i love u so much,but stupid as i am.....(dn't know what to say),u know it more than me
god,thnk u...wish i cud be home at this very moment
i love u,mama

WANNA SLEEP???

2005-07-31T20:10:00.000-07:00
HELLO…
I KNOW,I’VE BEEN QUITE LAZY TO WRITE DOWN ANYTHING FOR THE BLOG…
BUT TODAY I HAVE SOMETHING SERIOUS, AND A BIT HUMOUROUS, TO SHARE WITH U ALL.
LATELY,THERE’S THIS INSANITY THAT HAD COME OVER MY HEAD INORDER TO TRY OUT SOMETHING TO BREAK AWAY FROM THIS MONOTONOUS LIFE I WAS LEADING.CERTAIN RAMBUNCTIONS HAD MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO CAST OFF MY INHIBITIONS. THE TRUTH IS THAT THESE DAYS I HAVE BEEN QUITE DEPRESSED WITH THE KIND OF MY PROBLEMS’ PACING UP AND I’VE BEEN TOTALLY CLUELESS REGARDING ITS SOLUTION.SO,THIS INSANITY,THAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT,CAME ACROSS. FOR NOW,I THOUGHT OF TRYING OUT SOMETHING THAT EVERY SMUCK DOES WHEN HE/SHE SEES NO WAY OUT ESP WITH THEIR PROBLEMS…[I HOPE,TILL NOW U’VE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I’M TRYIN TO EMPHASISE ON.]
WELL,I WANTED TO TRY GETTING ‘HIGH’,I KNOW THAT’S THE MOST WACKIEST THING TO DO AND THAT’S THE REASON WHY I SAID EVERY SMUCK DOES IT. WHATEVER!!SO I GAVE A RING TO MY FRND AND EXPLAINED HIM,WITHOUT DISCLOSING MY PROBLEMS,TO HELP MYSELF WITH SOME DRUG WHICH WUD HELP ME GET HIGH.SO HE SUGGESTED ME A TONIC(SRY,CAN’T GIVE U THE NAME AS IT IS I DEFINATELY DN’T WANT ANY OF U TRY IT OUT AT UR HOME).SO WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO WAS TO HAVE HALF OF THAT BOTTLE ACCOMPANIED WITH A CUP OF COFFEE.
SO,HERE IT GOES….NOT HALF,BUT I DID HAVE THE WHOLE BOTTLE OF THAT TONIC,ALONG WITH A CUP OF BLACK COFFEE AND IN ADDITION TO THIS PROCESS,I EVEN ACQUAINTED IT WITH TWO FULL DRAGS OF CIGARETTES. WEEL,THE REPURCUSSION,NOT SURE OF THE SPELL(PUN INTENDED PLEZ,AS SPELL FOR SPELLINGS AND FOR THE MAGIC:: L O L),APPARENTLY,I GOT HIGH AS I WANTED BUT THEN CAME ALONG THE LONG HRS OF SNOOZING PROBLEM. EXACTLY AFTER 2 HRS OF THE WHOLE PROCEDURE OF GETTING HIGH,I SLEPT,FOR AROUND 10 HS.I GOT UP AT 7.30AM AND GOT DRESSED FOR THE COLLEGE.AS SOON AS I REACHED THE CLASS,I CRASHED FOR ANOTHER HR.THEN AFTER THAT I ACCOMPANIED MY FRNDS FOR LUNCH, AS IT IS WITHOUT ANY DINNER AND BREAKFAST,I WAS BOUND TO FEEL HUNGRY.AFTER SEEING OFF MY FRNDS,I WAITED FOR THE BUS THAT WOULD TAKE ME TO MY PLACE.AND GUESS WHAT!,I’M SLEEPING AGAIN,THAT TOO SOUNDLY IN THE BUS.I KEPT SLEEPING UNTIL THE CONDUCTOR WOKE ME UP WHEN MY STAND HAD COME.I WAS SO FUCKIN LOST IN MY SLEEP.
WHEN I REACHED MY PLACE,I THOUGHT OF HAVING A QUICK SHOWER TO DRIVE OFF THE SLEEP OFF ME,COS I WAS REALLY IN THE MOOD TO FINISH MY BOOK:CHEKHOV’S PLAYS.BUT….SLEEPING BEAUTY IS SLEEPING AGAIN,THAT TOO FOR 5HRS MORE.THEN I WAS UP,I WAS FINALLY UP(THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT),BUT I WAS WRONG,THAT WASN’T THE END OF IT,I SLEPT AGAIN AFTER HAVIN SOME BISCUITS TO EAT,I GUESS THAT WAS THE REASON WHY I WAS UP. AND SINCE THEN I’VE BEEN SLEEPIN UNTIL TODAY AT 12 IN THE AFTERNOON. AND THEN,I WAS FINALLY UP. BOY….THAT WAS LONG.
AND HERE I AM,SITTING INFRONT OF MY COMP,WIDE AND AWAKE,TELLING U MY STORY REGARDING MY OVERSLEEPING PROBLEMS,AFTER LONG HRS OF SLEEP!!!!!

I AM….THE ‘GIRL,INTERRUPTED’

why do i get so confused?

2005-06-17T19:31:00.000-07:00
confused...yes,i do get confused about various perspectives, percepptions and there are differed thought that runs through my head for no reason at all, and if at all for a reason,then its the solution thats not available.....
its like,how wud u define "vertigo"?
i get damn crazy when i get on to my quest, and then, alas! 'what a fiasco'!!!!!
anyhow,it does drive me insane and sometimes it brings about a notion in other's head that i may be a socio-pathic.i'm not quite sure whats wrong with me neither can i say that if i am actually undergoing some personality problem...but one thing is for sure,i'm not mentally retarded,its just that i sometimes fail to understand peoples' norms..what more can i write to this issue,i cannot tell...cos i'm writing in a haste,but once i get time, i'll definately try to make a further exegesis to the stuff that i'm talking about...
"crawling"-the song that i'm listening to right now. good one. it actually made linkin park win their first grammy for best hard rock performance...linkin park....my favorite band,or should i say my candid mirror...................

y "working class heroine"?

2005-06-16T17:58:00.000-07:00
well,till now u all must have guessed that this name has been inspired from the song, "working class hero", by john lennon.

the time when my frnd was helping me create a blog, i couldn't think of any name,but at that time i was listening to the same song and humming as loud as possible,which kinda irritated my frnd. besides being my favorite,my frnd likes its lyrics immensely and instantly told me to pick up this title as my username,well,only the gender has been changed.

well i really can't say how much i like john lennon,as it is i like jim morrison more,but there's something in his songs that has created a sense of liking in me towards his music, and actually feel all the more depressed after i read the book on him and analysing the plethora of shit he's been through. another thing that disappoints me is the way he was killed by this killer,mark chapman,who's actually a victim of narcissist personality problem or, lets put it in plain words,someone who's schizophonic and is definately lacking sanity...

well if u get a chance to listen to this song,under which my username appears,u will know the life of john lennon in brief...

one line i like from this song, to which, i'm sure, quite true in some cases---"they hate u if u r clever, and they despise the fool"
i endorse this statement,wat bout u?post ur comment?

introduction to the Girl, interrupted

2005-06-01T19:55:00.000-07:00
hey...
how monotonous....everybody starts with this ...
ok...lets start all over again............

welcome....this is my world....an amalgamation of all sorts stuff u can and cannot think of...

thus,the Girl, interrupted speaks again to her self......but,without INTERRUPTIONS......

as far as it goes, this is my first day blogging, so i would rather speak less.

take care and good night

G.I.